Either you are one now, you were one once upon a time (cringe), or you’re way too young to be reading this. Whatever the case may be, we all know this specimen, and we all have our opinions of it. This week, Tiffany Maleshefski, aka Muni Mind Reader, explores the oscillating, erratic mind of The Teenager.
WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!
HELL YEAH I’M EXCITED!! SCHOOL IS OOOOOOUT!!! Another day, another bell that releases us from the jail cell we call school. More like ewwwwwwwwwww. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! I just get so happy when the school day is over, I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW!!!
CAN YOU HEAR ME? SCHOOL IS OUT AND OH MY GOD WAS IT A CR-AAAAZY DAY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN USE MY INDOOR VOICE? F*CK YOU!!!
Yeah, you sit there in your stuffy work clothes glaring at me and my friends. I can hear you judging me and wishing I’d go away or be truant or maybe just get hit by the bus one morning. You’re just jealous your life isn’t as fun as mine. My life is fun, fun, fun! It’s too long ago for you to remember, but when you are between the ages of say 14 and 17, holy shit. It is just bananas the kinds of things we get into.
Like today, my teacher got so hella pissed at me for waltzing into class 20 minutes after the morning bell rang. But what does she expect? The morning is EARLY and BUSY! After I stop and get a coffee (or a soda, depends on my mood really), maybe a breakfast sandwich, and swing by Sheila’s because she decided to stay home today and I just want to make sure she’s feeling OK, it’s like, where has the time gone? If I miss the bus, then I gotta wait at least 10 minutes for another one.
Oh hold on, that’s my friend Jerry. He’s such a dork. JERRY!! JERRY!! Where are you going? Excuse me, ma’am…Can you open that window? Excuse me. Thanks. JERRY!! You’re a loser! HAAAAAAAAA! Ohmigawd!! When you call people a loser, it gets them EVERY TIME. Wait, watch this: JERRY! (Pause.) NOTHING! Haaaaaaaaa. He TOTALLY turned around. Oh shoooot. I spilled my soda. Oh well. JERRY!
Have you heard this song yet? It is sooooooo good. I listen to it at least 20 times a day, back-to-back. On the bus I’m able to hear it at least 5 times in a row in the morning and then in the afternoon, with traffic and all, the ride is slower, so that means at least 8 consecutive listens. I like to TURN IT UP!!!! Don’t you loooove it?
Whew. Here’s my stop. Just in time too because I am TIRED after running my mouth off, yelling out the window, laughing A LOT because every other teen is WAY funny, hitting a few of my friends, and dancing my butt off to my new favorite song. Now I gotta go take a nap so I can do it all over again! Aren’t you sad the school year is only 180 days?
Read past installments of Muni Mind Reader, and check back next Friday for the next episode.
Photo by Flickr user Eyes Closed
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Girl, you’ll be a woman some day. Until then, in the universe where I am god, there would be a separate, well, a separate everything for teenagers. I know, I know, we kinda need you to populate the adult realm. But for fuck’s sake, you’re all terrible! Now, get off my lawn!
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If the song you’re listening over and over again is “Boom Boom Pow” by Black Eyed Peas (what an intolerable little tune – I miss BEP in its pre-Fergie days, which is before your time), I think you sat next to me on the 1-California this morning. Watch that volume on the ear pods, dear, it’s gonna ruin your hearing. Now, where did I put my glasses?
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It’s 180 days all right, but I heard plans on moving the start and end dates of the school year (will start earlier in August, and will end in May.)
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*grins* I’d take offense if this weren’t so hilarious. Honestly, though, teenagers (in general) annoy me, too.
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