So I am boarding the 27 Bryant bus at Union Square heading home about 20 minutes ago. I should have learned my lesson after the incident of a crack head spit fight contest on that bus while my childhood friend was in town. But hey, that was an isolated incident, right?
Back to the story. This homeless guy gets on the bus and sits down and starts eating some foul smelling Chinese food. I mean, this stuff smelled like it should have been refrigerated three days ago and discarded two days ago. So he is slopping this stuff down when an older lady asked the homeless man for a seat stating, ” The bus is full and your bag is in the seat next to you. Do you mind giving up the seat you bag is in?”
He states, ” Sure, if you want but I have killer lice that I can’t get rid of.”
Everyone on the bus began to simultaneously itch. The elder woman naturally decided to stand. As we travel he is slopping down this stuff and everyone is turning green. He finishes and then starts asking everyone on the bus if they have a bottle of water because he’s damn thirsty. Everyone is like, “No.”
The elder lady then says, “You know, I am sure you can get some water if you get off the bus.”
“Shut up you old B*$%^# and go back to Tennessee or wherever you come from,” the man says.
At this time this 70-year-old “OG” from the front of the bus stands up and says, “If you don’t stop picking on people I’m gonna kick you off the bus.” They then proceed to get into a shouting match. The OG stands up and starts moving to the back where the homeless man is located. He starts waving his cane (with a head shaped like a cobra) at the homeless man who goes into his pocket (all I can think now is, “Where is the window? I am getting off this bus!”) and pulls out a can of mace, jumps up on the bus chair, and assumes the “crane” position (a la Karate Kid).
Everyone panics and moves to starts crowding away, all the while yelling, “Driver, do something!” The driver is not blinking. Finally they are kicked off the bus and the homeless man ran while keeping the mace off the cane-dependent gentleman. Whew…I really am just gonna walk more now.
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