Muni Mind Reader: The Muni DJ

Photo by Flickr user leporello87

Another week off has given the Muni Mind Reader the fortitude to channel deep into the darkness of the Muni DJ’s brain. Brushing aside neurological cobwebs, Tiffany gets at this budding phonophile’s intentions, which might just surprise you. Everybody dance now!

They say that music is the universal language.

No one speaks, feels, or lives this language as much as I do. Call me an ambassador, yeah, an ambassador of life, love, peace, and most of all, bass and treble, who just wants to break down these oppressive walls of society with my music. My music. Well, that makes it sound like I’m being greedy. This is your music too, people. Your music. No! It’s our music. This language that we can all speak.

So when you see me climb onto Muni with my sweet-ass radio, one that you thought had long been extinct, rather than smother me with looks of horror, maybe you should break out into thundering applause. I’m also a fan of the “slow clap.” Better yet, I dream of the day when everybody puts down their books, disgruntled looks, and hand-held devices, and we all just sing together. Who didn’t love chorus class, right?

Anyone want to do that?

Are we all ready? And a 1, and a 2. And a 3…everybody!

[Silence]

Ugh. What’s wrong with you people? I remember the days when people sat on the bus and talked to each other, shared ideas, maybe even made a friend or two. Now, everyone’s just plugged into their iPhones or texting on their Blackberries, and keeping to themselves. Where is your sense of community? You think I don’t know what I’m doing? You think I just play this stuff as loud as I can simply out of a love for the song? C’mon, I’m smarter than that. I’m trying to reach you! That’s what’s going on!

When I picked out this little gem for your listening pleasure this morning, I just knew, KNEW, I had knocked it out of the park this time. It got me thinking about a possible career change. I have always dreamed of being a DJ, one of those big-club DJs who can demand ten or $20,000 a gig. And here I am, every morning, performing for you for free. You’d be amazed at how few appreciate this gift I bring every day.

Instead, everyone’s trying to pretend like the music isn’t even playing. I even took the liberty of playing this one track twice in a row. Everyone was staring at me as I made my way to the back of the bus. I saw all of you glance up and stare at me. I felt your eyes boring into my back as you tried to figure out where the hell I was going to sit (which by the way, all DJs sit in the back as it’s the preferred position for achieving maximum amplification). I figured I had stirred your heart a little bit, freed your mind even. Looks like all I did was aggravate you instead. Sigh.

I just have to believe. I just have to know that perseverance always wins out in the end. And one morning, when I least expect it, I’m going to play the one song that’ll make everyone drop what they’re doing and get their ass out of their seat. A mobile dance party!! If those rented trolleys can do it, why can’t we? Those people pay big bucks for their dance party on wheels! We only have to pay $2!!

Now, I realize that maybe it’s the morning and you just aren’t ready to rock, or maybe it’s the afternoon, and between myself and the screaming teenagers, you were hoping for a little quiet.

Or maybe, you just don’t like this song. But hey, I take requests.

Muni Mind Reader takes requests, too. But she can’t promise anything. Check back next Friday for her next crystal-ball-to-website delight.

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