Every Friday, we are the benefactors of mind-reading genius here at Muni Diaries. You see, we are lucky enough to employ the telepathic talents of one Tiffany Maleshefski, aka, Muni Mind Reader. This week, Tiffany explores the mindset of yet another familiar fellow Muni rider: those who ride unwittingly. Those who’d really (no, we mean really) not be on this stinkin’ bus.

Ugh. Where’s the bus?

Could it be any colder out here? I mean, so much for my good hair day. Why did I even bother trying to do my hair this morning if it was going to get blown to hell and back? I cannot believe my car is in the shop. I looooooooove my car. I can’t believe she’s going to be gone for a whole week. It gives me a massive headache just thinking about it.

WHERE IS THE BUS?! GAWD! It’s been like 5 minutes!! I am freezing! Oh wait, what’s this? N-e-x-t-b-u-s. NextBus. 5-Fulton in…6 MINUTES. My god! I would’ve been at work by now. Why is there never a bus when I need it? At least my car is available whenever, wherever. And check it, I got parking so I don’t need any pitiful looks from all you transit champions who just gloat at the thought that it hopefully takes me HOURS to find parking.

Nope. I just slide right into my space at any time of the day. So ha! FINALLY! The bus is here!

Morning. How much does it cost to ride this thing?

Driver: Two dollars ma’am.

Okay, I only got a five. Here you go.

Driver: Ma’am, we don’t give change.

UGH! You just EXPECT people will have exact change? It’s things like this that make me wonder how Muni even functions on a daily basis. This is not very good for the customer experience, let me tell you. How am I supposed to feel that my needs are important to you if it’s YOUR way all the time. Seriously, would it be that hard to have a cash machine up here or someone who can just make change?

ANYONE GOT CHANGE FOR A FIVE?

I guess I should be grateful that I can at least still get back and forth to work, despite not having my car. But it’s really hard to appreciate something that always smells like cat pee, or when someone looks like that icky dude who clearly doesn’t get that the whole goth thing ended YEARS AGO. C’mon buddy, would it kill you to give up the steel-toed boots just once this week?

You know what I’d really love? If the powers that be at Muni were just a tad more discriminating. I mean, the bus could be a super nice place if you just had the right atmosphere. Like, how about a Muni dress code? Hell, I might consider leaving my current position (and my car for that matter) if I could help create a dress code to bring some dignity to this beaten-down transit system. I just started watching the best new show on Bravo, Miami Social. The bomb. It just blows my mind that Bravo is able to find so many fabulous groups of friends willing to be on a television show. Cannot WAIT for San Francisco Social. I got my audition tape ready!

You know what? I can’t even handle this. I’m going to call everyone I know this morning on my phone and talk about Miami Social to help the time pass faster. What’s the term for that? Positive thinking? If I talk about Miami Social enough, maybe I’ll actually convince myself for the next 20 minutes or so that I’m actually there instead of here: Pee Town.

Well, I guess there are some pros to being on the bus every day. I get to see how good my life is compared to these sorry saps. At least I got to catch up with a few of my friends on the phone. Maybe tomorrow I’ll even bring a magazine to read. Or god willing, maybe my car will be out of the shop early and I’ll never have to rub shoulders with anyone wearing shirts from last season again.

Check back next Friday to learn more about what’s going inside the minds of your fellow Muni riders.

Photo by Flickr user davitydave

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