Photo by Flickr user jvollmer

I’ve been riding the bus for more than half my life. Yep! I know every route in this city. I really do. Unlike most of these cranksters, I think San Francisco’s public transportation system cannot be beat. There’s not one corner of this city that I have not been able to reach via transit. Okay, well, it was pretty difficult that one time I tried to get over to Visitacion Valley, but other than that experience, which I would most definitely rather not think about. One of my favorite parts of the month is when I can order my FastPass online, and then my second favorite part is when it arrives all fresh and new in the mail.

With that much love and confidence for our fair bus system, you’re probably wondering why I hang out here, by the back doors, even when it’s empty and the seating and standing choices abound for me. I know, it’s weird, and I am not proud. I just, I just, I just …

Well, there was this one time, I was so engrossed in my crossword puzzle that I completely missed my stop. It was a packed bus that day. Too packed. I looked up, saw that my stop was roughly three away. No big deal right? Plenty of time to work on that stumper that was 6 DOWN. But jesus, suddenly, my stop comes into view, I pull the cord from my seat in the very back row…and…and. I didn’t make it, okay!?! I tried. I politely pushed through the packs of people, but I wasn’t able to get off until the next stop. It was a FRIGHTENING experience. And now, the thought of just sitting or standing anywhere else makes me break out into a cold sweat. What if it happened AGAIN?

Good GOD! I can’t even think about it. I know I’m annoying. I know you loathe asking me to move out of the way, especially on a perfectly empty bus, and I especially know you wonder why I simply don’t take the outside seat that’s less than a foot away from that all powerful bowl with the only more-powerful red button that tells the bus when to stop. But I can’t help it. There’s just too much at stake. (My sanity, for one.)

So this is my destiny: a hated hoarder. The rider who just can’t relax and enjoy the ride. I sometimes feel like Sisyphus, except instead of a rock, I push this pole, and instead of it ever moving up a hill, it just stays stationary. It’s what I do, okay? I won’t even get into my conundrum over when to actually push the button. Oh gosh, doesn’t that perplex you, too?

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