Can I Ruffle the Feathers on Your Sweater? 06.15.10
Photo by Flickr user sheepguardingllama
Last Friday, I was riding the 12 home after work from SOMA to the Mission. I was staring off into space when the man sitting next to me said, “Excuse me?” I looked up, thinking he might be looking for directions or have some sort of question.
“I don’t know if you know this, but you have feathers or fuzz all over your dress — on the back, and sleeve…”
I looked at my sleeve. It was true. The combination of black dress and fuzzy sweater meant that there was weird linty fuzz all over me.
“Oh yeah, there is. Thanks for letting me know,” I replied.
“Do you want me to wipe it off of you?” He asked me.
The thought of this mild-mannered but still very creepy man touching me in any way was not appealing, so I told him it was fine and that I was heading home soon anyway.
“Well,” he said. “So what’s your sweater made out of?”
Really not wanting to engage any further, I looked at the tag of my cardigan.
“Uh… looks like viscose, cotton and angora,” I read off.
He smiled at me, and I went back to staring out the window. About four stops later, he got off.
I don’t mind making conversation on the bus, but here’s a pro tip: asking other riders if you can touch them — probably not a good idea.
Boom Box vs The New Yorker, From Our Story Tent 06.14.10
Ahem, is this thing on?
“A brown liquid was found on Muni line 46 today. Passengers were throwing up when the discovery was made, making this the most amazing bus line in the city today.”
Don’t worry, it’s not true. This is just one of the Muni Mab Libs submitted at the Muni Diaries Story Tent at Outbound, hosted by us and Secession Art and Design on Friday night. Secession Art and Design curated an amazing show, featuring the work of Nate1, Eddie, Duerone, and a collection of wearable art. At our Muni Diaries Story Tent just outside of Secession, we heard some hilarious Muni stories like the one that Mary told in the video above, about a war between a boom box and The New Yorker.
We also collected your brilliant Muni Mad-Libs:
“Riding Muni is better than a night on the cornfields with numerous lucky ladies.” – David.
“Riding Muni is like dating a dude who is clueless about your needs and full of surprises, except it’s never the pleasant kind.” – Fabulous R.
“Riding Muni is better than taking a hot jello bath with Jesse Helms on a summer day in North Carolina on mescaline.” – Felix.
Yow!
If you haven’t made it to Secession yet, be sure to check out Nate1′s paintings featuring BART and Muni, Eddie’s large-scale work that you probably recognize from the streets, and Duerone’s handpainted boxcars. Secession also hosts designers of wearable art, including work from Colleen Mauer, Heather Robinson, and Rachel Znerold.
We’ll be airing more of the stories we collected Friday night this week, and watch our Twitter feed for more Muni Mad Libs submissions from the evening.
Photo diary: Muni doucher of the day 06.02.10
Muni Rider Roasting on the 24 06.02.10
Photo by Rick Audet
As I was riding the 24 home from work last week, two young men boarded the bus and immediately started sizing up the other riders in the back of the bus for potential roastability. Not finding enough meat for their roast they declared the bus “dry” as opposed to this morning’s selection which had been “wet.” This was a fairly incredible assessment, seeing as how the 24 is (always) stuffed to the gills with riders.
The roasters, doing their best with the available material, declared that “that dude there has a potato-head” (he didn’t). They then moved on to a young man who was listening to his ipod and had the luxury of pretending not to hear “look at this dude, he look like something out of mario brothers” (he didn’t). They then went on to mock his plain white t-shirt, cap and less than manicured fingers.
Meanwhile I’m feeling less and less comfortable, for the obvious reason that if unkempt nails were grounds for harassment, I could well be next. But mostly because I felt this was completely inappropriate. I mean, who does that? And why?
My stop was still three blocks away when I felt I could not handle it anymore. They had moved on to fresh meat, an older gentleman whose ear hair was somehow offending them (it wasn’t), when I vacated my seat. Clumsily and apologetically, I made my way to the front of the bus through the sea of fellow-riders. When I reached the front I reported to the driver that there were two young men harassing people in the back of the bus. The driver stood up and called to the back of the bus that they needed to “show some respect.” Feeling useless and edgy I then exited the 24, two stops early.
On my long walk home I thought of all the other ways the situation could have been handled. I had fantasies of rallying the other riders and declaring that we’re not going to take it! We’re all on the same bus here! We all have the right to a peaceful ride! Some of my less mature fantasies included roasting the aggressors: “your hair looks like bubble wrap!” and “if you’re lucky you might grow into those pants someday, son!” I digress.
Has anyone else witnessed a rider roasting? There must be a more effective way to handle it than to hassle the bus driver who is 20 ft and 30 people away….
What to do when someone asks you to sign a petition 06.01.10
Photo by Thomas Hawk
Rider Jared bought some headphones to enjoy his music on Muni. Little did he know that right after his purchase, he would overhear one of the most excellent exchanges between one very cranky rider and someone who was trying to get him to sign a petition. I’m tempted to copy this technique the next time someone asks me to sign my name on yet another clipboard. Read on. – Eugenia
As someone who spends a good chunk of his day on Muni and Caltrain, I listen to a lot of music. As my iPod earphones have been slowly making their way to white headphone heaven, I decided to take the plunge and buy some quality buds. After much deliberation between sound-cancelling and the regular version, I bought Bose’s around-the-ear model on Monday evening at their store in the downtown Westfield. I decided against sound-cancelling because I’m afraid to be struck by a bus and die. But if “Lost” has taught me anything, it’s that I’ll see you all in another life, brotha. Anyway.
Just like a little kid at Hanukkah, I asked the store owner, “Do you mind if I open it now so I can listen to them on my ride home?” After a few cuts and snips, I was on my way downstairs to the Powell Station sporting my new headphones.
For some reason Predictably, I had to wait a while until a lettered car appeared to take me to the Castro station (I was jonseing for some boba). Once it arrived (after I was told it wasn’t coming for another seven minutes), I hopped on and stood against the doors on the opposite side so I’d be closest to my exit.
One stop in, I see a guy in his 30s or 40s walking through the car and talking to people. Huh, that’s weird, I thought.
As he makes his way over to our side of the car I notice he’s holding a paper. I’m thinking, oh, he’s one of THOSE a-holes.
I love people who try to help a good cause, but I hate solicitors as much as the MILF from “The 40-Year Old Virgin.” As he approached me, I politely said no thanks (a few times… he was persistent) and he moved on down the train.
Here’s where it gets fun. As he was moving down the bus, he kept asking folks and they kept saying “no thanks.” Until he reached this one dude sitting down reading a book. Let’s recount the situation:
Solicitor: Do you mind signing my petition to…
Muni Rider (screaming at the top of his lungs): NO. YOU CAN’T PETITION. NO PETITIONING. YOU CAN’T DO THAT. THAT’S NOT ALLOWED. STOP IT. YOU’RE A BAD PERSON. STOP DOING THIS. YOU CAN’T PETITION ON HERE. STOP IT. STOP. DON’T BOTHER ME. STOP IT!!!!!!!!
The Rest of the Bus: (Silence)
He finally quit right before we hit the Church station. As the solicitor passed him again on his way to the front of the bus, I was afraid the psycho was going to shank him. But luckily he kept his cool this time around.
And do you know what pisses me off most about all of this? That I didn’t buy the noise-cancelling headphones.
Pervert on the 47-Van Ness 05.27.10
Photo by coleypauline
Muni rider Annie offers the following tale of … justice?:
I was riding the 47 Van Ness bus one early afternoon. The bus wasn’t very crowded, so I move towards the back of the bus. I decided to sit down on one of the very last row of seats. Sitting on my left was a girl who was blasting rap music. There was also an old guy who was sitting nearby. Due to the noise of the bus, I couldn’t really hear what he was saying. I figured he was probably just talking to himself, and I was reading a book so I didn’t pay much attention.
So it turns out the girl next to me heard what he was saying and called him out for being a creep and a pervert. She begins to shout at him for being an old guy and trying to get with young girls. According to the girl, he had been staring at the three girls who sat directly across from him.
Riding the Muni, I have found that there’s always creeps trying to check out girls and this was no exception. When I get on the bus, I try to notice if there are any weirdos and creeps, but of course as demonstrated, it doesn’t always work. The girl shouts that he’s been trying to get with these girls and saying stuff like “You’re so beautiful” and according to the girl, about to flash his privates on the bus to them.
Once she called him out for being a perv, they began the screaming match. “Bitch, bitch” was thrown back and forth. The old guy tried to defend himself, by saying the girls didn’t say no to him and that it was none of her business. They also threatened to get off the bus and fight each other. The girl stood her ground and said it was her business when he was being a pervert. People started to turn around and stare at him. He decided to get off the bus. Once he did, the girl gets off her seat. She slides open the window and took the cap off her soda cup. Then she aims directly at him and splashes the drink all over him. I grinned when she did this, and saw his astonished and angry face being left behind on the bus.
Once the bus pulls away from the stop, the three girls thank her. They say that they didn’t notice him being a creep, probably because they were just talking amongst themselves. The girl says that she knew what was about to go on and you gotta keep a watch out for perverts.
A few stops later, I get off to get some art supplies. As I walk down the block, I see the pervert and he makes some noise at me. What a creep, I think.
Seen something remarkable on Muni lately? Send it to Muni Diaries!
Photography Etiquette on Muni 05.20.10
Photo by sflovestory
What’s proper etiquette when you take pictures of people on Muni?
Today rider Julia writes with a question concerning being photographed on Muni. She says:
I was waiting for the M at Forest Hill station on my way home. As the train pulled up to the stop, there was a seated guy who saw me and started staring at me. He was blatantly staring basically the whole time as I go on the train, found somewhere to stand, & put my bag down. I made occasional eye contact with him, which was the only time where he stopped staring. As the train entered West Portal station, he pulled out a DSLR, pointed it at me, and took four or five pictures of me. I had headphones so I guess he thought I couldn’t hear? But I was listening to Iron & Wine, so I could. Not cool, bro!
Time and time again I’ve been told that one of the most enjoyable aspects of reading Muni Diaries is stellar Muni pictures from photographers all around San Francisco. We rely a lot on people like the talented group at CaliberSF and the photographers in our Muni Flickr pool (eviloars, captin_nod, and Brian Brooks, to name just a few of the excellent folks we’ve found).
So dear photogs, what’s a good way of capturing a picture without being rude and weird?
Shell-game scam caught on video 04.23.10
We reported the shall-game scam on Muni late last month. @dblake just tweeted this video he got of the scam in action:
Just watched a guy lose $12 in an obvious shell-game scam on Muni. Everyone tried to warn him but he didn’t listen.
Careful out there, folks. Healthy skepticism, always.
Mister Muni Manners 04.02.10
Photo by Flickr user annnna.
For better or worse, this can go straight into our warm-and-fuzzy category of Muni stories.
I was on a 49-Van Ness/Mission trying to get home one evening after work. It was a really nice day: one of several schizophrenic, nice weather vs. crappy weather ones we’ve been having. As usual, the bus was full by the time it got to my stop. I grabbed a spot, held on, and spaced out. Then, I hear the tiniest “excuse me.” It sounded like it came from a fairy sitting in someone’s pocket. I looked around and didn’t see anything, so I commenced spacing.
I heard it again, then looked down at a little boy sitting in a seat near me. He looked from me to his dad, who indicated that he should give up his seat for the nice lady (hey, that’s me!). But he had to say it himself: “would you like to sit down?” asked the tiniest, politest person I think I’ve ever met.
I thanked him, but declined the seat. On my way out, I told his pop that he had a really nice boy.
1) Yeah, yeah, I don’t care if pop only does that to get at the ladies. It’s still nice.
2) I’m not gonna lie, I think it’s bogus when men push me out of the way to get to a fresh seat first. Equal rights and chivalry aren’t mutually exclusive, after all. So it made me extra happy to see semblances of it on the bus.
3) Did I mention I was on the 49? And that something nice happened on it?
KFC Run on L-Taraval 02.18.10
Photo by cbcastro
Muni rider Ellen sends the following dispatch:
I was riding the the L-Taraval train to work one morning and as I approached the front exit the eloquent conductor pointed at me and said, “You… go get me a brown bag” and tried to hand me some crumpled bills. It was obvious I had no clue what he was talking about so he gestured at the nearby Kentucky Fried Chicken that advertised “Brown Bag Tuesday.” He wanted me to get him some fried chicken so he could eat it on the train! I was late for work though so I politely declined and he honked angrily at me as I exited and hurriedly crossed the street. I don’t think passengers should be expected to go on food runs for Muni conductors — especially when he/she commands it while on the job!
What do you think? Are Muni operators public employees, or are we at their service? I mean, a man’s gotta eat, you know? :P
