We’ve all been there. On a crowded train or bus, some jerkoff has his bag on a seat next to him. Sometimes, even giant Styrofoam gets a seat before you do.

We RT’d @amanda___c this morning, and got quite a number of suggestions for how to handle such an egregious breach of public-transit etiquette:

Uh, pick up his bag and throw it on him, then sit down. if he complains, tell him to F— off. :) – @michaeldowling
I usually just start sitting on the seat anyway. The introduction of a stranger’s ass is good motivation. It works. – @McClure_SF
I’ve been known to pick up a bag, plunk it in their lap, and sit. Seats are for people, not bags! – @cripsahoy
I stand in front of them and pass gas… – @murphstahoe

What about you? How do you handle this particular type of Grade-A douchefeather?

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@RitaBookNews tweeted us this gem the other day, with this title: “Woman brings a huge, life-size piece of Styrofoam on Muni?”

Question-mark, indeed.

We lament the 500 breaches of Muni etiquette that flew out the window so this thing could have a seat(s). But it does look damned comical just sitting there. Perhaps these are the beginnings of a Halloween costume? It reminded me of Ol’ Drippy from Aqua Teen Hunger Force in its blobularness.

Spotted something cool (balloon animals) or ridiculous (see attached) on your ride? Talk to us about it @munidiaries.

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Rachael posted an interesting question on the Muni Diaries Facebook Page yesterday:

Maybe I’m weird about germs but to me walking around barefoot is no more/less gross than touching everything on the bus then sitting down to eat a sandwich. Why do people eat on Muni?

Which led me to wonder which was actually grosser. I haven’t decided yet, but I’ve probably spent too much time thinking about it already.

The floor is just plain grody. I’ve let bare legs and bare hands touch seats and rails before even thinking about putting a bag on the floor. I think we can agree that the chicken and formaldehyde combo platter is an appetite-killer for all involved. But Muni riders snack on food that isn’t stuck to the window all the time, and it doesn’t always bother me. That said, we use our bare hands to eat, sometimes before washing our hands when we’re late to dinner and about to eat a limb for sustenance. OK, maybe by we, I mean me.

But, which is worse? Barefoot riding or eating while riding?

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From Muni rider and Giftly Marketing Director Nish:

My experience on the 14-Mission bus this morning: I hobble on with my crutches and it’s a super-crowded squalor of a ride. No seats for me until some punk kid goes, ‘Dawgs better get your asses up, this dude is handicapped.’ Yes, I am finally someone!

Sometimes, the unlikeliest of seat angels (on a 14-Mission, no less), will back you up when no one else will.

A reminder to be kind to your “handicapped” rider pals, dawgs.

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Update (3:01 p.m.): In the comments on this post, Stephanie says:
I sent a copy of this to the SFPD and this was their reply:
I printed your blog and gave it to the Captain to see what we can do. I recommend that a police report be made if you see this guy doing this again. If you call the police while on the bus, they can meet the bus and identify him.
Ofc. E. Teper
Bayview Police Station
201 Williams
San Francisco, CA 94124

Original post: Mel has a disturbing report from the eastside:

There is a total creep who gets on the T-Third line over by Ingleside. He preys on young girls who usually seem too scared to confront him, or aren’t even sure of the situation. I know, because he assumed I was one of those.

He will sit next to you in the cramped two-person seats. At some point he will move one of his arms to the side, like he’s reaching for something in his pocket. The only thing is, the arm stays in that awkward position, usually touching a young girl’s thigh or buttock for a really long time.

I know it seems silly, but when I experienced it, I honestly couldn’t be sure he was doing what I thought he was doing. I remember elbowing the guy, and he said he was “reaching for something in his pocket.” Yeah. No one “reaches” for 2 minutes ++.

The guy is really tall, maybe over 6 feet, and just an awkward-looking fellow. I don’t know if there’s anything mentally wrong with him, but his conduct is definitely wrong.

After he tried that on me, he actually kept using the same technique on other girls. I’ve caught him on two other occasions, and have called him out on it. Other than seeming like a crazy person by glaring or trying to warn these other would-be victims, I’m not sure how I can really prevent this from happening to other women.

Hey creepy dude, stop creeping people out, cuz you don’t wanna end up another Muni humper. If anyone else experienced this or any other creep on the T-Third or any other routes, let us know. We also advise you to contact the police, or at the very least, let the driver or SFMTA know about it.

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British dude James sent us the most charming email the other day asking about standard procedures and etiquette on Muni. Oh, how we wish some of our fellow riders would be as considerate about etiquette as James. Here are some of James’s questions:

• Do we pay when we get on? Or do we need to have pre-paid passes or something?
• When we’re at a bus stop, do we need to put our hand out to catch it or does it always stop at every stop?
• Is there a bell you ring to get off the bus?
• What do I say to the driver when I get on? What’s the little phrase that people use? (for example, here in the UK, it’s usually “one to town, please” or something like that).
• Do I get given a ticket? Do I need to keep hold of it?

A few things have changed since we did a “newbie orientation” last year. The SFMTA has a new customer guide, which addresses some of these questions in more detail but doesn’t really go into my favorite question from James: what you say to the driver when you get on?

We thought it more fitting to turn his inquiry over to you, the Muni-riding community. So whadaya say? Help a guy out.

* Pictured is one of the short-lived Muni double-decker buses, which, you know, is so … British.

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A lady gets on a full-ish 47 on Van Ness on Thursday morning. She was sorta not unlike a brunette Anna Nicole Smith, both visually and vocally. She tried unsuccessfully, twice, to tag her Clipper card. Since these were unsuccessful attempts, the driver asked her to try again. She says this in response:

“Can’t you read? It said ‘already processed.’ Fucking idiot.”

So … some friendly reminders and tips for everyone at home:

• “EH-EH” is the no-no sound. “EH,” singular, is the good sound. Both are really loud and obvious.
• Those machines always tell you, aurally and on the screen, when your tag worked. Pretty sure it displays a red light if it didn’t.
• It happens to the best of us. I usually board the bus, rolling my eyes after two tries, and tag at the back doors.
• The drivers can be faulted for a great many things, but failure to tag a card on persnickety machines isn’t one of them.

She was sweet as pie to the passengers, perhaps realizing how snatchy the whole exchange was.

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On Twitter, @sunghu reports seeing a Muni passenger who took comfort to the next level.

Dayum!

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Greg at N-Judah Chronicles shares a story about a neighborly ride he had on the 18-46th Avenue the other day. Seems a fellow passenger decided he’d be their English tutor. Read the full story at N-Judah Chronicles. Wouldn’t it be great if we were always so kind and helpful to one another?

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Via Questionable Skills, Ted McCagg brings us his hilarious illustration.

We’ve seen an uptick in tweets complaining about excessive and excessively loud phone talkers on Muni lately. What gives?

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