Another Douche on the M-Train

the muni - a world unto itself

Muni rider William has some choice words for “another douche on the M-train.” He sent us this story:

So, short and simple: I’m sitting on the M-train minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear a guy shout out at me, “Stare somewhere else, dude.”

At the time I had been looking toward his side of the train but just daydreaming and gazing around. What do you expect people to do when they are on the bus? Sure I could read a paper, but it’s 6:30 a.m. and I get my paper when I get to work. Even if I had headphones like most people do, they are still typically facing upward and looking around. Furthermore, you were just sitting there gazing forward as well–therefore, you were likely inadvertently staring at someone else on the train.

Technically you were staring at me if you even happened to be looking at me supposedly staring at you. Quite frankly you were nothing that would even be worthwhile to look at. If I wanted to be staring at someone I would definitely be staring at more attractive people on the train, and just considering I am a straight male I would have been looking at an attractive female if I was actually gonna stare at someone. Don’t flatter yourself. If you can’t stand people looking around on public transportation I have some advice for you — get off!

Had a strange or funny incident on Muni or BART lately? Tell your story here.

Photo by Flickr user *christopher*

Philosopher’s conversation

conversation on a bus

“You know I am going there because I have to go, not because I want to go. There is a difference between ‘have to’ and ‘want to’.” The woman screamed.
A man approached her and looked like he was kissing her.
Then, he screamed, “There are two type of people in this society; one that has money and one that is drunk. Everyone else is in between. If you are not one of these two, don’t fucking come knock on my door! The light is on, but I won’t answer.”
Approach to the woman again, he makes a Karate-like move. Then, he sits on the chair and screams, “I like Stephen King!”
It is quiet for a moment, then the woman screamed at the man, “At least I know where I am going! But you don’t know where you are going!!”
He screamed back to her, “But I know where I am!”

She repeats, “I know where I am going but you don’t know where you are going!”
He responds, “But I know where I am!” Then they begin to shout back and forth.
”I know where I am going but you don’t know where you are going!”
“But I know where I am!”
“I know where I am going but you don’t know where you are going!”
“But I know where I am!”
The man says, “You know, there are people who have and people who don’t!”
The man continued, “You, you, you what! You want to or you have to what?”
The woman screams back to him, “I tell you here is my answer, ‘I don’t know!’ There are always three answers to everything I want, I have to, and I don’t know!”
She continues, “But I know where I am going and you don’t!”
“But I know where I am!” The man screamed. “Have a seat. There is a seat here” He continued as he pointed to the seat next to him.
But she screams, “No! Someone’s ass was sitting there! I am not going to put my ass on someone’s asshole!
“Bitch! You are a fucking bitch, you know. You know what I call someone like you? A Hooker! You are a hooker!”
She says, “Hey, don’t limit your view. If you named it but you can’t see beyond it!
He yells, “Bitch!”
“Hey, be careful what you call me because you don’t know who is listening to you!”
He repeats, “You are a fucking bitch!”
She now screams, “You are an asshole!”
“How did you know my nick name?” He is suddenly calm.

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Just Hangin’ at WP Station

Picture 250.jpg

This just in from Muni rider Skajam:

I love that this guy is staring right at me. I am however fairly certain that he did not know he was being photographed. He was just sitting like this for about 10 minutes waiting for his train. I don’t know where ‘see no evil’ and ‘speak no evil’ were. Maybe he was going to meet them.

If you encounter strange flora and/or fauna in and around Muni, send it our way, please.

Things That Do Not Fit Under Muni Seats

having fun with the shopping cart

Maybe I haven’t seen everything about Muni. Standing on the sidewalk at Van Ness and McAllister, last Friday at about 5:30 p.m., I had to pinch myself to make sure I was seeing right. A guy was getting on the rear most door of a Muni bus (illegally of course), struggling with three things: two large duffle type bags and (!) a regular size grocery store cart.

Yes, a shopping cart one would use at Safeway! Amazingly he got it on – all of it. After the bit of work he did, I noticed an inspector flailing his arms as he tried to make his way down the now crowded bus, yelling “no, no, no, you can’t…”. The man obliged by tossing the cart out the same back door right onto the middle of the bus zone on the street.

I was so in awe of the scene I didn’t even remember I had my camera with me and didn’t take a picture 🙁

If you find yourself witness to odd boardings, or have any other Muni stories to tell, tell it here.

Photo by Flickr user jpockele.

Muni Mind Reader: The Humper

hump dayYesterday morning, we posted a story about an alleged perpetrator riding the N-Judah a little too close for most of our comfort. He was deemed the “Muni Humper,” and his story resonated through the intertubes (SFist, NBC, to name a few). Well, our ever-prescient Muni Mind Reader, Tiffany Maleshefski, was on the case before the post went live. Here’s her extrapolation from the dark recesses of the Humper’s brainwaves …

Most people see a crowded bus cruising toward them and their heart sinks, tempers flare, and frustrations are high. If the bus is super crowded, the majority of people will simply hold tight for the next bus. Not me. I see that same bus jam-packed with people and all I see are endless opportunities.

In fact, I’m that guy who you watch squeeze his way through the back door, defying the laws of physics and most of all common sense, because, dude, the driver just said there’s a bus two minutes behind this one. Just wait it out, right? Crowded buses are where I thrive, where I feel alive, where I like to get a free ride. I AM THE HUMPER!

Awwww yeahhhh! Let me just squeeze in over here. That’s it. Woops! “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I bump you?” (Sheepish grin.) Hell yeah I just bumped you, and what’s totally throwing you off right now: I’ve yet to step away! It’s just you, me, my wedding tackle, the corner of your bike messenger bag, and then your sweet bottom for me to press against.

I especially love a rickety ride on Muni, because that means a lot of the work is already done for me. Pothole! “Oh I’m sorry.” Pothole! “Pardon me.” Construction zone! Oh man, here I come! Or a driver who’s heavy on the brake. That’s just a gift from the heavens. I take one step forward, you take one step back, we stay together ‘cuz I’m sick and that’s a fact.

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