no comprende?

As a word nerd, as well as a recent visitor to a handful of foreign countries, odd sentence construction is one of the biggest WTFs you can come across if you’re not entirely fluent in a language; even if you speak a fairly decent textbook version thereof.

But I mostly write this tale as a woman, horrified by a man’s conversational skills on a moving vehicle, where everyone can (unfortunately) hear every word of his awkward conversation with two girls from Switzerland.

It’s good to be home.

Let me start the tale of awkwardness by explaining the body language in this situation, for which I fully craned my neck to get a gander at. Two girls, maybe 20, but probably younger, were standing on a crowded bus, chatting among themselves. A man, who was probably around 30, was standing behind them, attempting over (and over) again to engage them in conversation. I think we all know that it’s a bad sign when the object of your conversational interest: 1) doesn’t ask you a single question back, or 2) only turns around to face you when you ask one of your many questions.

But off he went anyway. Here’s a sampling:

Guy: So what goes on in Switzerland?
Swiss girls: What?
Guy: What do you do there? Like, for fun?

Commentary: “What’s going on?” is a very oddly worded phrase on its own. Turn it around like the way he did, to people who aren’t fluent in English, and you get this.

There’s a reason foreign English is funny; we never say things like “The reason for this is because…” unless we’re directly translating from another language. So a phrase like “What’s going on?” definitely loses something in the translation.

Guy: So there are a lot of mountains and stuff in Switzerland?
Swiss girls: Um, yes. Many mountains.

Commentary: Clutching at straws then, aren’t we? This kind of question is always the low point, on whatever end of the conversation you’re on. I personally ask questions like this when I don’t like someone, but am forced to be in their company, or am horribly uncomfortable.

But he continues with the kicker!

Guy: So, how old are you girls? 15? 16? 17?
Swiss girl 1: What’s the saying? You don’t ask a woman her age?
Guy: Nah, that’s only for women in their 30s!

Commentary: Good answer from the girls, and probably a good indication that they spoke better English than they first let on. Also, you’re a creepy asshole if you look anywhere near the vicinity of 30 (or older) and ask such a question. You then earn more creepy points for denouncing the statement as something for women…in your own age group.

Everyone eventually got off the bus, leaving me to stew in their residual cloud of awkward.

Yeah, it’s good to be home.

Tara Ramroop has only been let down a handful of times by Muni in the week since she’s been back. Progress?

Fleeing Fleet Week

Okay, okay, yes, we went to Fleet Week. And by “go to Fleet Week,” I mean we grabbed some sandwiches at the pretty people’s Safeway and plopped our asses on Marina Green for free to watch a bunch of screaming planes do tricks. A friend had never experienced the glory, and being the nice people that we are, we chose to humor her.

Getting over to the north side of town from the Mission was actually a pleasant exercise. The 49-Van Ness zipped us right down to where we needed to be. The bus was neither crowded nor slow. We got there in about 20 minutes, I’d guess.

Getting back home was a different story altogether.

We waited things out a while at a friend’s house on Chestnut, then boarded a nearly capacity 49, only to stand there for what seemed like a eternity (seriously, something tells me, hours later, that that bus is still there). We got off at the next stop, after peering up Van Ness (to the south) and seeing nothing but stopped cars with their brake lights on.

So we walked. We walked from Greenwich to Market, passing at least three 49s and three 47s. We walked all the way to the heart of the Mission. God knows whatever became of any of those Van Ness buses.

Anyone else experience meltdown over the weekend with all the hullabaloo? Please share.

Infect Me Not on Muni

San Francisco’s health department is launching a public awareness campaign called “Infect Me Not,” Chronicle’s City Insider reports. It promotes basic “healthy habits” like stay at home when you’re sick, wash your hands often, don’t share personal items, etc.

Unfortunately this public campaign doesn’t have rules specific to Muni, which I think really deserves a public health campaign of its own. If you’ve been reading our Gross section, you’d know that health department should include a “Do Not Fart or Defecate” rule, a “Avoid Spraying Toxic Fumes” rule, and a “Leave the Personal Grooming at Home” rule. I mean, at the very least, as the ladies at Muni Manners would agree, cover your mouth when you cough and please, for the love of god, use the other hand to hold the metal rail!

what’s wrong here?

511 TripPlanner says it will take me about 57 minutes to get from where I work (Fisherman’s Wharf) to San Bruno, using a combination of walking, Muni and BART. The San Bruno BART station is 12.2 miles from the center of San Francisco.

It routinely takes me an hour to get anywhere within San Francisco via Muni, and I almost never cross the entire length or width of the 7 mi. by 7 mi. city on any given day. The exception is, of course, if I’m traveling to and from near-consecutive neighborhoods, such as the Mission to Glen Park.

In every other case, the One-Hour Phenomenon has proven true from Fisherman’s Wharf to Hayes Valley, from Fisherman’s Wharf to the Mission, from the Richmond to the Mission, from Cole Valley to the Mission.

We all knew BART was faster and more reliable (except that one day last week), but this was a rather dismal realization on an already dismal (weather-wise and economically) week.

Will the Central Subway ease our troubles?

Tara Ramroop canceled her extraneous credit cards and is watching her finances even more stringently (i.e., anally) than she already did. Now, more than ever, she and others may rely on the cost-effective Muni for transportation. Don’t let us down!

Confession: I’m a rude newspaper reader on Muni

Yesterday while on the J train, I thought I’d use my time wisely by reading my Sunday New York Times (yes, yes, I am two days late but it’s only the Style section).  As soon as I took out the paper from my backpack I realized that the Style section isn’t a very stylish and practical read while on Muni. With riders sitting on both side of me and two more people standing right at my knee, I could hardly even turn the page! The guy who sat next to me was reading a compact little novel and gave me a dirty look when I accidentally brushed the side of his face with my unwieldy newsprint.

Thankfully, the lovely ladies at Muni Manners pointed out the correct etiquette for reading the newspaper while in transit. They suggest “folding for minimum impact” by preparing the paper pre-boarding. Brilliant!

Eugenia

tales of the 49, part 2

The two main buses running down Van Ness have a certain je ne sais quoi. Actually, scratch that, I do know what it is: they can’t run properly (i.e., on time) because that street is a horrible place to attempt a move from Point A to Point B.

6:19 p.m.: Time I step on a 49-Van Ness, heading toward the Mission.

7:11 p.m.: Time I step off the same bus and start walking to Jeff’s house.

Summary: I was on the same bus for 52 minutes, mostly on Van Ness, as it crawled along at an infuriating snail’s pace, to go a total of 3.3 miles. To put it in perspective, the 2.2-mile, straight-line leg from North Point and Van Ness to Mission and Van Ness took 40 minutes; 511 Trip Planner says that same leg should take about 24 minutes.

Crappy service on Van Ness is one Muni meltdown that usually isn’t the agency’s fault. Yesterday was especially not its fault, thanks to a brush fire on Yerba Buena Island that snarled traffic on the Bay Bridge and on the Van Ness approach to the freeway. Still, I think we can all agree that it really sucks to be on a bus for an hour.

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