Like all of us, Katie has a unique perspective. But hers might be unfamiliar to you. Read on …
I ride Muni every day. It’s important I get a seat–if I stand all the way from Taraval at Sunset to Van Ness, the rest of my day is ruined. 20 minutes of balancing on a mangled foot causes anywhere from 12 to 72 hours of pain. I use my cane every morning. When I can grab a seat, sitting in the handicapped seating is stressful.
I get on the train in the Sunset/Parkside district and ride it all the way in. My disability is largely invisible unless I’m barefoot or wearing a skirt that exposes my scar-covered right leg. I get dirty looks from older riders when I don’t get up to allow them a seat; I look like a perfectly healthy 22-year-old woman. I sit in the seat, repeat to myself “you’re handicapped and have a right to sit here” and stare at my foot-and-a-half while clutching my cane with white knuckles.
If someone asks, I explain that I am handicapped; that usually kills any discussion. Only once has someone decided to inflict themselves on me and made me “prove” my disability. After taking off my shoe and asking that my medical privacy be respected, the rider in question turned beet red and got off at the next stop.
Monday morning, I wasn’t able to get a seat. I spent the entire train ride being flung around by inertia. I fell into the person to my left three times. She yelled “Bitch” at me, then turned to look at me and saw my cane. She then muttered “oh, sorry” and moved 2 inches to the right.
I tipped into the able-bodied young man who was in the handicapped seating. He looked up at me, saw the cane in my hand, made eye contact with me and shrugged, then turned up his headphones and pulled his hood over his eyes.
Six hours after my train ride that morning, my entire body was still in searing pain. I had to hold on with my right arm only, as my left arm has tendinitis in the wrist and elbow in addition to being the hand I hold my cane in. My right ankle, calf, knee, hip, shoulder, upper back, and neck were all in various levels of pain and swelling due to not being able to sit that morning. Any pain medications strong enough to combat the pain and swelling caused by the morning’s ride were so strong that I was too strung out to work.
Handicapped accessibility options can be seen as “convenience” for those who do not know what a mobility disability does to your life. When one has all 10 toes, no nerve damage, and good balance, a seat in the morning is a convenience. You get to read an extra 20 pages in your book in the morning and finish your coffee before it’s cold.
When you have eight toes, nerve damage, chronic pain and the balance of a two-minute-old foal, being able to sit on the train in the morning means being able to walk from the bus stop to my building in less than 15 minutes; not destroying my liver with high doses of pain killers that make me vomit until I’m dry heaving; being able to get dinner with my boyfriend later in the evening; being able to go home and do laundry; not being in pain from the day until noon. It lets me live for a few hours, rather than be trapped in a body rendered useless by constant pain.
I’ve been asked about why I don’t just ask people to get up. It’s embarrassing. I hate my body. I hate my foot. I hate my leg. I hate the pain I’m in every day. I hate admitting that going up the hill at Diviz and Haight is hard. I hate that it takes me extra time to go up all three flights of stairs in my friends’ apartment building. I hate that it takes me 6 months to find a single pair of shoes I can wear both of at the same time. I hate having to ask my landlord to install handicapped shower bars.
I’m at war with the vessel my mind occupies. I don’t like my friends thinking of me as handicapped, telling a stranger on the train that I’m handicapped is humiliating. Having to do it every morning is just demoralizing. I’m 22; my body should be young, supple, lean, and functional. I’ve been made to feel like a disfigured freak in my own home because of a guest my roommate had over.
Not to say good people don’t ride Muni. Unfortunately, the negative always seems louder than the positive. I’ve had a few experiences in which a fellow Muni rider will offer me a seat without making me feel like a disability instead of a human. I always thank the rider earnestly when it happens. I appreciate it so much.
Being disabled and riding public transit is really hard. As bitter as I get from the chronic pain, it’s something I’d never wish on anyone else, even the mean people that inflict pain on me by not allowing me the seat set aside for me under federal law. (There’s even a little drawing of a person with a cane on the sign! And by the way, your headphones aren’t an invisibility cloak.)
Riding Muni on some days leaves me feeling more defeated than I did when I was bleeding in the street with my foot ripped apart.
Like Katie, you can share your point of view here on Muni Diaries.
Great post. I think this is a problem on public transport all around the world.
Hopefully this might make people think a bit – there are always going to be some that think by being inconsiderate somehow makes them utterly badass, but I think most people are basically good and want to do the right thing. Maybe some of those people might think twice after reading this.
Here’s hoping your future travel is easier.
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People suck. But you knew that already. Be happy you’re in San Francisco, where people are (believe it or not) a bit cooler. My wife rode the subways in NYC when she was mega-pregnant and it was was a rare time indeed when someone would offer her a seat. And NYC subways have handicapped seating on every car.
Hang in there as best you can and don’t let the bastards get you down.
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We lived in San Francisco through my wife’s recent (2008) pregnancy. I can count on one hand how many times she was offered a seat on MUNI when she was going to work every day. Actually, it just takes a couple of fingers.
I honestly don’t think SFers are any nicer than any other US city when it comes to public transit. If anything, maybe a little worse. San Franciscans are fun people on the whole to be around (I’ve been here 10 years and I have a lot of great friends that are natives of the city), but a lot of the transplants here are here because they are very much into pursuing their own passions in life and they are self-reflective and because of that not always entirely aware of the larger world in their immediate surroundings. Sure, they are aware of global issues and big issues and sometimes neighborhood issues, but if watching them on MUNI is any indication they are are also very much inward facing and not keeping their eyes open to the immediate needs of the actual people in front of them. Be it fear of litigation or simply being greedy jerks, there’s a lot of people that just tune out of their immediate surroundings when they get on the bus and the train. And it has very much been that way since I first moved here. It’s not meant as a “You guys are bastards.” finger pointing, more a “You guys are a little self-involved.” finger pointing. :)
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Interested in this part, particularly:
“…but a lot of the transplants here are here because they are very much into pursuing their own passions in life and they are self-reflective and because of that not always entirely aware of the larger world in their immediate surroundings.”
I wonder a lot about why it might be, and perhaps this is why.
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Call me an asshole – I very rarely will let a pregnant woman sit in my seat.
Before I say why, I should mention that I usually sit in single seats…I have a paranoia of dirty people in SF, and I dont like people sitting next to me..Ive had people steal my shit, piss in the seat, and shit themselves and have to deal with that.
I also sit in the back, in the seat someone is least likely to want to sit if the bus gets a little full, but not crowded.
So, knowing where I sit, a pregnant woman comes along and has an expectation of having shit handed to her because she is pregnant doesnt fly well with me. Pregnancy isnt a disability, I didnt ask for them to get pregnant. Women also want equal rights, so I treat them as I would treat any fellow man; they stand, so can she. I also being a former mall employee in my early 20′s came to a realization that the “Expectant Mothers” parking which by the way was more conveniently located to the front door and curb ramps then the actual handicap parking, meant that women thought they were special and could demand anyone at anytime do anything to accommodate them in the mall. FUCK THAT! No one cares you decided to reproduce, it wasnt an “accident” to have sex and make a baby either.
IT IS AN ACCIDENT to be a true cripple and truly handicap and those people are deserving of a seat. For them, I give up my seat, but I look around to see if anyone else will as well. Not only so I can give mine up and seem like Im the better man, but also so I can see whos the next asshole on the bus.
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So… I guess pregnant women should just stay home barefoot in the kitchen?
If you support the right of disabled people to be out and do our business in public – even if that means giving up your seat to one of us – how can you not be understanding of pregnant women? Whose *medical condition* may cause pain, fatigue, swelling, etc. Kind of like my own disability, except temporary and you get a baby at the end.
Do you think people who have an accident and break an ankle shouldn’t have access to seating on public transit? After all, YOU didn’t ask them to walk down some stairs and happen to fall.
Yes, as a woman, I want equal rights. If I were able-bodied and a man were carrying 25-35 extra pounds, his feet were swollen so that your shoes cut into them, and he were exhausted? Well, I’d be delighted to give him my seat. Grow some empathy.
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Kate I really appreciate your post on here. I can understand the pain and conflict you are going through. Two weeks after I had my 21st birthday I was diagnosed with MS. I am almost to my 10 year mark of living with, for the most part, an invisible disability. I remember how difficult it was to adjust to the new ways I had to live and learning to accept help. One thing that I can impart is that it is okay to ask for help and that you don’t need to feel shame about your condition. Don’t be afraid to ask for the seat, because it boils down to one thing….the importance of your health. Pain is a major stresser and stress creates other problems you don’t want. If someone gives you problems about it, remind them that it is the law and you are just following it. You can also make the argument that it is for your safety on the ride because of the issue of balance that is needed for standing while riding (hard stops and starts especially) on the bus. It is okay to stand up for yourself and your needs if it will save you from many hours of physical pain and punishment later on.
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Great read, Katie. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. If you need a seat, ask for one. And if they turn up the volume and pull the hoodie down over their eyes, smack them upside their fucking head with your cane.
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Katie,
This was a great article. People should feel ashamed for not giving up their seat when asked. Those who take up the disabled seat and two other sets with crap they are carrying is awful.
I think that every seat should be availbable for people that need them. I ride the LA Metro everyday and always see young people sitting in those spaces ignoring everyone else. Let’s hope that people start becoming more aware of things like this.
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Thanks for this, Katie. It might be worth it to get to know your regular drivers, then they can help get you a seat up front. I’ve had several drivers who will make able-bodied folks stand up for eldery/disabled riders. Good luck, and if I see you my bus, you are more than welcome to my seat…
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If hoodie headphones dismisses you, you just may have to fall into his lap when the bus makes a sudden motion, accidentally of course. It sure would be unfortunate if your cane was on his toe when you were pressing down on it trying to get back up.
Can you do the Vulcan nerve pinch? Remember the scene when Spock ahd Kirk are riding the bus to go see the wales and the ugly passenger was playing his radio?
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I’m a (able-bodied) Londoner so my comparison is with the Tube (subway)… I’d say that you’re caught in a dilemma in that on the one hand you don’t want your disability to define you, but on the other you need your fellow commuters to recognize your need.
Here, often people will take a ‘head-down’ approach: they’ve managed to get a seat (and it’s a struggle!), and it’s then head-down to read/shut-eye/tune-out and not proactively look for someone more deserving than them… I actively look out for anyone who may need my seat, but actually it’s not easy – without having had to stare/size up people who may be in need. Eg, fat or pregnant? That’s becoming a tricky one!
I don’t in anyway want to make light of your position, but think inevitably you will need to be increasingly proactive – and unashamed – in commandeering a seat when you commute. People will feel ashamed they didn’t recognize your need, but it sounds like it may not always be obvious so you may sometimes need to give those sitting comfortably the benefit of the doubt. There will always be assholes who stay put, but I’m sure there will always be others to compensate and give you back a sense that humanity is still there…
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Katie
I’m so sorry that you have to go through this every day. I lament the human condition that people cannot be kind and considerate. I have to say that I find San Francisco to be extremely deplorable in regards to public transportation. I rode the Judah twice a day while I was pregnant and only once did anyone ever offer me a seat. I got the same “if I don’t look she won’t know I’m here” sort of hiding from the seated passengers. Or outright distain “sucks to be you, I have a seat” attitude. During that same time I visited Chicago for a week and four out of four bus rides, as soon as I got on someone stood up so I could sit down. I wish you all the best.
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Great post, Katie. You’re definitely someone to be admired for the way you’ve been able to overcome your disability and move forward. Big props to you. (:
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Thanks for sharing this, Katie.
When I was very young, I’d ride Muni with my late grandmother, and since she was eligible for discount fares due to her age, she always sat in the front. I’d usually sit next to her, but she always taught me to give-up my seat to any person who needed it.
Even today, I still respect that policy. When a wheelchair passenger entered the metro train, I asked three people to move to the other available seats, so the person can get the space. I got the stink eye from this guy who kept staring at me for the entire trip. Sheesh! Just to be nice, I gave the guy the bird when I left.
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I will gladly give up my seat for someone that needs it. But like everything else that we’ve had to speak up or shout for to make change happen, sometimes you will have to make it clear that you need a seat. And it catches on real quick.
The law is on your side too. When I travel with my partner who has a disability, sometimes we get real close to having to play that card.
Slightly unrelated, but hopefully you’ll notice less “nigger this, nigger that” or loud music on the trains because that’s the change I’m seeking by speaking up.
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After a skating accident, I was put into a straight leg brace and crutches for several weeks. Due to the mechanics of wearing a straight leg brace, in some bus models there are only a couple of seats on the bus it’s possible to sit in without your leg sticking out somewhere it’s going to trip other passengers and aggravate the injury.
There was one incident where a guy actually shoved in front of me to get to the only usable seat that wasn’t occupied. I asked if he would please let me sit there and explained why I needed it, but he said, “No, it’s mine, I got here first!” This was towards the beginning of the route, and the bus was otherwise nearly empty! He could have sat anywhere else, while I spent the whole ride apologizing for getting kicked and tripped over.
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Katie-
I appreciate you sharing your story and for speaking up for everyone who deserves/needs a seat. You are awesome for doing that!
-Sarah
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You’re welcome, and thank you for sharing yours! To this day I still need to use a cane and often end up hopping through bus rides, but for some reason it’s always easier to speak up when I see someone else is in need than when it’s just me. So I understand why it’s sometimes easier to just swallow the pain – and your pride – than to demand your right.
A number of times, I’ve even given up my seat for someone who was even more disabled than I am. When ambulatory people see someone with a cane getting up for someone else with a cane, the antipathy barrier always seems to crack somehow. I’ve never done that without someone noticing and giving up their seat in return for me.
I hope people read and take note of your article, and are kinder to you in the future!
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Where I live, there is no public transit. I have gotten better at asking for a seat in a waiting room, or getting a chair during long waits at work. I, too, am in my early twenties, and my disability is invisible if I don’t happen to be carrying my cane or using my wheelchair that day. I understand how hard it can be to ask for accommodations – first, I have to tell someone that there’s something wrong with me; and second, I’m always a bit afraid that they won’t believe me…
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