On Muni: ‘I’m a pimp and this shit don’t bother me’

Muni Seats
Photo by neutralSurface

Muni rider Scott spins a, uh, wet one for us from the 5-Fulton.

Best Muni moment; I have many but this tops!

On my way to USF from Montgomery Street, I get on the 5-Fulton one weekday morning. Nothing unusual, I sit one row from the back sipping my coffee reading the Chronicle. We turn onto McAllister Street, and a woman jumps on the bus and sits in the very corner of the last row. I try not stare, but can clearly see this person is completely whacked out of her mind.

I’m not surprised as we entered the Tenderloin. I continued to read until I notice some liquid on the floor coming from that particular corner of the bus. Just then a gorgeous girl was walking to the rear of the bus. As she was about to sit down in front of the woman, I kind of grabbed her with a slight nod, then said you should really sit over here, instead. She looked at me as I drew her attention to the mess in the back. We are not at Van Ness yet, but the woman gets up and leaves.

This normally would be the end of the story but not this time. Both the gorgeous girl and I leaned back to see what the hell was dripping and realized that the person decided to relieve herself on the bus. It was a pool, too. We both looked at each other and knew that, well, this is Muni and you get all kinds of weird things happening. Just as we figured out it was piss, a group of kids no older than 12 jumped in the back of the bus and seated themselves on the wet seats. One yelled out, “What the hell is this?” as the other is sitting in it getting drenched. Two of the kids moved from their seats but the last kid exclaimed, “I’m a pimp and this shit don’t bother me.” He sat in a pool of piss for the remainder of my trip.

As always, a friendly reminder to check your seats and beware moving liquid on the bus. Sometimes, it’s wee-wee, folks.

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