Riders with Drinks — This Friday! 06.09.09
Usually, It’s a Man Pleasing Himself in Public… 06.09.09
Lately Muni Diaries has been an unexpected place to learn about various fetishes. By now you’ve probably read or heard about the Muni Humper, who is technically a “frotter” – someone who gets pleasure from brushing against people. We’ve got the occasional exhibitionist (remember the ever-popular “public penis” guy?). And we just received this diary submission from Muni rider Nina Peters:
I was waiting for the J Church in front of Safeway (Church and Duboce) when I heard the faint ramblings of a crack whore in the distance. I was not concerned. I mean, the area is prone to these folks. But, I did notice that while walking down Church towards Market, she rubbed her hand on every car. It looked like she was just being the normal weirdo that I’ve come to love while living in SF- but there was definitely something strange in the air.
I continued to watch from the train stop island, and it paid off. When she finally reached a car to her liking, a light silvery-blue BMW, she jumped on the hood and began to masturbate on the hood. I was shocked. I’ve seen plenty of men in corners whacking away at the goods, but I’ve NEVER seen a woman in broad daylight go to town on the hood of a car in public. My train came and as it turned down the tunnel I craned my neck to be witness to the grand finale. But, as quickly as she had cum, she was gone.
Hmm. Expensive-Import-Car-Philia?
We’re always looking for educational Muni tales! Come on, don’t be shy.
Photo by Flickr user beach_chick
Brownie-town on the 49 06.08.09
I ride the 49 every day to get home, and so do a lot of terrible teenagers (redundant?) who attend Balboa Galileo High School on Van Ness and Bay. At best, they’re usually just screaming about this, that and the other, possibly hoping their volume will increase their level of importance on the bus. There’s often a non-teenage screamer on the bus and a vivid assortment of rude, pleasant, happy, friendly and too-friendly people also, just to add some color to my little cross-town line.
Because the 49 does cross town, I try to understand when it’s mildly gross. A bag of smashed chips at your feet here, a little pile of sunflower seeds there. But I draw the line at what looks like real effort to get moist foodstuffs caked on the bus. For example, someone had to TRY to get this brownie on the window. Someone had to take it out of their bag, out of its wrapper, then purposefully smear it on the window in such a way that it sticks.
I take it personally also because this happened to be next to my favorite seat on the bus (along that single-seat row, on the left, in the back). Maybe tomorrow I’ll find a plate of eggs or something.
Sure that’s a brownie? Send us your tales of suspicious items found on the bus, or any other worthy tales.
Photo by Flickr user Mitsooko
The photo above was taken by the author and pertains to the incident mentioned in this post. It arrived at MDHQ a tad late. Apologies.
Muni Diaries on I Live Here: SF 06.08.09
And by “Muni Diaries” I mean me, your humble Muni Diaries editor, gussied up for a photoshoot on the awesome blog, I Live Here: SF. The talented photographer Tangobaby started this project to photograph and document the stories of the people in San Francisco. And thanks to SFMTA, we had access to an empty bus downtown before its run started. For once I got to enact some shenanigans on the bus like running around and sit in the driver’s seat!
My feature is here and be sure to check out Tangobaby’s other profiles, including Kathleen, proud TL bartender, and Brittney of CBS5′s Eye on Blogs.
And thanks to Tangobaby for including me and creating this project that shows off our city through the eyes of many fascinating, spirited people.
How to Catch a Muni Bus 06.08.09
From Muni rider Axel Feldheim:
I reported this incident my own blog on Monday, April 20, 2009:
I was riding the 22 Fillmore this afternoon, & at 16th & Bryant the driver shut the door on a woman running for the bus. She yelled & pounded on the bus to no avail. Then while the bus was waiting at the stop light, she pulled it off of its wire. I’ve never seen someone do this before. She caught the bus.
Share your Muni riding tips (practice at your own risk, though) and your Muni tales with us.
Photo by Flickr user Juicyrai
Weekend Photo Diary: No Direction Home 06.05.09
Well, we’ve all renewed our ability to completely ignore weather forecasts, after rain was promised every freakin’ day this week, and delivered none. Nevertheless, we can’t be played off without referencing future skies, no matter how futile.
Not really sure what’s going on this weekend, other than Sunday Streets in the Mission. If you know of something fun, cool, vital, or pathetic, let us know in comments.
Otherwise, just enjoy yourselves these next coupla days.
xoxo,
Muni Diaries
Muni Mind Reader: The Humper 06.05.09
Yesterday morning, we posted a story about an alleged perpetrator riding the N-Judah a little too close for most of our comfort. He was deemed the “Muni Humper,” and his story resonated through the intertubes (SFist, NBC, to name a few). Well, our ever-prescient Muni Mind Reader, Tiffany Maleshefski, was on the case before the post went live. Here’s her extrapolation from the dark recesses of the Humper’s brainwaves …
Most people see a crowded bus cruising toward them and their heart sinks, tempers flare, and frustrations are high. If the bus is super crowded, the majority of people will simply hold tight for the next bus. Not me. I see that same bus jam-packed with people and all I see are endless opportunities.
In fact, I’m that guy who you watch squeeze his way through the back door, defying the laws of physics and most of all common sense, because, dude, the driver just said there’s a bus two minutes behind this one. Just wait it out, right? Crowded buses are where I thrive, where I feel alive, where I like to get a free ride. I AM THE HUMPER!
Awwww yeahhhh! Let me just squeeze in over here. That’s it. Woops! “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I bump you?” (Sheepish grin.) Hell yeah I just bumped you, and what’s totally throwing you off right now: I’ve yet to step away! It’s just you, me, my wedding tackle, the corner of your bike messenger bag, and then your sweet bottom for me to press against.
I especially love a rickety ride on Muni, because that means a lot of the work is already done for me. Pothole! “Oh I’m sorry.” Pothole! “Pardon me.” Construction zone! Oh man, here I come! Or a driver who’s heavy on the brake. That’s just a gift from the heavens. I take one step forward, you take one step back, we stay together ‘cuz I’m sick and that’s a fact.
The Day of the Muni Fails 06.04.09
Today seems to be the day of the Muni Fails. We have a taxi running into 2 cable cars, a Muni driver talking on the cell phone, an old guy driving on the J-Church tracks, and the streetcar stall at Van Ness Inbound that delayed for 15 minutes. Oh yeah, how can anyone forget about the Muni Humper and the racist douchebag?
I’ll comment on one of them since there wasn’t much media coverage on this one. I was riding the L to Van Ness Station when all of a sudden we slowed down. At first, I thought it was a regular stop and go, because that’s what usually happens during rush hour. Then, the operator made an announcement, saying, “There appears to be some delay, we should be moving in a couple of minutes.”
…a couple of minutes later, she said, “There appears to be a stuck train, so they’re working on it, we should hopefully be moving very soon…”
But, eventually, the passengers were told to disembark the broken train as they were “trying to get the train out of there. We hopefully should be moving in a minute or two, maybe three or four.”
As we finally approached Van Ness Station, she thanked everyone for being patient, and, as I got off, there was this guy who thanked the operator for making regular announcements.
Personally, I think this problem could have been avoided if trains were single-tracked around the station, but hey, it’s Muni, powered by shoddy OS/2 run ATC and sometimes patient, frequent-announcer operators, and fare inspectors.
Wrong Way to San Jose on the J Tracks 06.04.09
Just received this via email from Kiley McEvoy:
Saw this on my way home at about 5:55 PM today
Sorry I don’t have any other info, but the pics pretty much tell the story.
And this tweet from @ewindram fills in some clues:
I feel terrible for the elderly driver who accidently turned onto the muni tracks at san jose/mission :(
If you saw this, please comment, and if you’ve got pics or videos, email or otherwise send it in!
Busdriver talks on nutty passenger’s cellphone 06.04.09
I was on an outbound 24 Bus this afternoon. Fairly empty. As we zig-zagged from 30th to Mission to Cortland, there seemed to be an agitated passenger bugging the driver. Well, that’s how it looked from the back of the bus where I couldn’t exactly hear the words the guy was saying.
He was yelling, “Hurry up!” presumably at the traffic in front of us, then he leaned across the driver and HONKED THE HORN. I thought (in a selfish muni-riding way) “Oh crap, now we’ll be delayed while the driver deals with this nut.”
Alas, I misread the situation. The nutty guy turned out to be a friend of the busdriver and he was just goofing around. OK! Friends of the driver can honk the horn, check. Also, he dialed a phone and handed it to the driver to talk on.
Here’s the driver on the phone:
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