Muni Mind Reader: The Tourist

Tourists to the WharfWe know them, we loathe them, but really, where would we be without their daily, monthly, yearly fiscal contributions to the livelihood of our little burg? Let’s face it — San Francisco is a tourism magnet, so best to suck it up next time you get annoyed during your probably-already-annoying Muni ride. Here’s the oh-so-insightful Muni Mind Reader‘s travel log from her journey far into the inner neurological reaches of the Tourist.

Excuse me, driver? This is the 43-Masonic yes? The 43? That’s what it says on the front of the bus.

DRIVER: Yes. 43.

Driver? This is the 43-M-A-S-O-N…I-C.

DRIVER: Yes.

And this goes to the Inner Richmond? We need to get over to 16th and Balboa. Will this take us to 16th and Balboa?

DRIVER. Yes. Just get on the bus ma’am, we need to go.

Okay! Come on everyone, this is the bus!! How much is it? How much do we need to pay to get on the bus? Oh honey, it says right here we need $2. Do you have $2? We’ll need $8 total. Driver, can I get change for a $20?

DRIVER: Exact change only ma’am. Ma’am, can you please step behind the yellow line?

Okay. I got, let’s see, that’s a $5. Here’s another single…OH we got some quarters over here. John, do you have another single? $8! We got it, we are in business. Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Looks like they don’t wait for the passengers to sit down on this bus. Ha! Everyone hold on tiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhtttt. Oh, I am so sorry sir, I stepped on your foot, I am really sorry about that.

Whoooooooossssssssh. Clumsy me! I just knocked into your coffee, my goodness.

PASSENGER: Ma’am, would you like my seat?

No, no! Really, it’s fine. We’re visiting San Francisco! You have a LOVELY city, and such a splendid transportation system. We don’t have transportation like this where we’re from. I mean, we have some buses, but they don’t really come often like yours. And really, if we had a system like this where I’m from I’d never get in my car again!!

Whooooooaaaaaa! Ha! These hills are killing my equilibrium. I feel like I’m doing some kind of clumsy tango here. Tee hee!!

PASSENGER: Hey lady, if you hold the bar it will help you keep you balance.

AH! This bar here? Above my head? Let’s see if I can reach it. There we go. So that’s how everyone stays in place! Whoooooooooaaaaaaa. HA! It’s like riding a roller coaster, isn’t it kids?! You were upset that we were spending our summer vacation here in San Francisco instead of Magic Mountain, but this bus is every bit as good. Whhhhheeeeee! Oh, I’m sorry. Are you okay? I guess you shouldn’t really be wearing flip-flops on the bus though, right? I think I might have a band-aid in here. Ohhh..that is bleeding pretty good!

PASSENGER: Ma’am did you need to go to the Inner Richmond? Well, this bus isn’t going to get you there. You’re going to need to transfer to the Balboa?

But the driver said this bus…wait, it’s on my map.

PASSENGER: Ma’am, trust us, this bus is not going to get you anywhere near 16th and Balboa.

But this is the 43-M-A-S-O-N…

PASSENGER: Yes, but this bus goes to the Marina. Here, I’m getting off now, I can show you where to transfer.

Transfer? JOHN! John, this bus goes to the Marina? Hmmmm. Thank you, sir. You have a nice day. Yes, we’ll be okay. Yes, thank you. We’ll get off at the next stop. Uh-huh. Okay, bye now!

Now, why would the driver tell us this went to the Inner Richmond when it really goes to the Marina. Hmmpff. What does he think we are? A bunch of naïve tourists? Ha! Well, I guess someone’s about to be proven wrong! Driver! Tally ho!

Check back next Friday for the next episode of Muni Mind Reader.

Photo by Flickr user Telstar Logistics

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