Dad: Sorry my son puked on you on Muni
Say what you will about kids and their parents on public transit, this story might change your mind. Muni rider Nicolas wrote us this public apology:
Fellow J riders:
I’m so sorry. My 4-year old son projectile vomited on some of you at about 8:30 on February 3. We were inbound into Van Ness station, me standing, him on my left arm. No, I don’t normally hold 40-lb people but, as you heard, he was whining so I picked him up to comfort him and also to make your ride less unpleasant. You’re welcome. But I guess whining “I’m not going to make it” didn’t mean what I thought it meant.
The doors were seconds away from opening when he coughed. Well…it seemed like a cough. But there was stealth vomit behind the cough. The brunt of it landed on me (glasses, cheek, shirt, jacket, bag). If normal, it would have dribbled onto only me, but being the projectile variety, you folks within 2 feet got sprayed. I’m sorry.
I wish I could have apologized more but the doors were open by the time it landed.
But I did have a moment to look around to assess the damage.
I noticed you, Nicely Dressed Work Guy, sitting next to us with splatters of partially digested Eggo pancakes on your thighs. You smiled and said, “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Not polite but real genuine like maybe you’d been down this road before. Are you a dad? Just a nice guy? If you are not a dad, you should be. You’ve got the patience and sense of humor for it. Adopt or impregnate someone ASAP. Maybe we can be references for you on your Ok Cupid profile? (I’ve been married forever. Do people still use Ok Cupid? Either way, let us know. We will make you look good with prospects. We’d offer to vouch in person, but you probably don’t trust us now.)
I don’t know what I would have done if we had more time with you, victims of vomit. Offer to pay for dry cleaning? Buy you a drink? My son’s name is Seiji. He is good at making Ninja Turtle masks out of tin foil. Maybe you’d like some? If you see us again, let us know.
Until then, sorry,
On behalf of Muni Diaries, Seiji’s dad, we forgive you.
Photo by Transit Nerds