Funny: Muni LOLs

Head-scratching things overheard on Muni

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Photo by Lynn Friedman

It’s not just smells, anger, and despair. Muni is also a roving audio laboratory, much to the delight and chagrin of us all.

These fellow Muni riders clued us in some things they overheard on Muni this week:

  • OH on Muni: “My cheek is sweating up my cellphone screen”
  • [on the J] Guy on phone: Yes but he’s vegan and I’m not very vegan-friendly.
  • Overheard at the #Muni stop: THIS IS THE LIVING WAGE!
  • OH: and he was programming on a go cart-he’s that badass, oh and he has a masters too. never forgetting headphones again

All righty then.

This week’s Things on Muni is brought to you by @larrybobsf, @OHinSFbyGrace, @jessicatzz, and @BrittNuffsaid.

‘The Devil is controlling Muni’

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I love so many things about this drawing by Muni rider John. The fact that it explains everything might be the least interesting thing about it. The Devil wearing his name in two languages might be my favorite.

Note that the “bus” is moving backwards, which sounds about right most days. “Mostly late or delayed.” Yep.

Via Instagram

Muni Riders Debate: What is a pussy bow, anyway?

muni cat east portal
Hint: It’s not this. Photo by DavidyDave

You see a lot of weird stuff on Muni, and some of them you can’t even begin to describe. This morning, @spiegelmama tweeted about a mystery item that defied definition for some of us.

Do you know what a pussy bow is? We polled our fellow Muni riders to find out: without Googling it, define “pussy bow.”

Muni Diaries Jeff says:
1. a bow worn in the crotch area
2. a naked woman with her pubes in a bow
3. a bow (doesn’t matter where it’s worn) that looks like a vagina

BrokeAss Stuart says: I have no idea. But I think I want one.

Muni rider Matt says: “it is the worst piercing ever.”

BART Diaries Ed says: “Like a decorative barette or something for one’s lady area.”

Muni rider Johnny Tripod says: “A bow given when the skirt-wearing bow-er has forgotten to put on her underwear. Oops!”

Muni rider Aaron says: “More complicated version of the g-string?”

Rider Pozu says: “Personally, I don’t care for pussy bows. I like the possibility of a revealing if fleeting glance at her charms. I hope that doesn’t give it away.”

Sorry to disappoint, but according to Wikipedia, a pussy bow is “a style of neckwear often associated with women’s blouses and bodices. It takes the form of a bow tied at the neck, similar to those that used to be tied around kittens’ and cats’ necks.”

For example, here is Margaret Thatcher wearing a pussy bow blouse.

Margaret Thatcher in a pussy-bow blouse
Photo via The Guardian

Now you can carry on with your day. You’re welcome!

Because some things happen ‘Only on Muni’

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Photo by Julia Wolf

Muni Diaries is all about celebrating (and lamenting) life on Muni. To that end, we’re giving away two front-row seats to Muni Diaries Live on Nov. 8. All you have to do is tag your Muni tweets #OnlyonMuni for a chance to win.

This week’s entries include:

  • A woman was singing TLC’s ‘Creep’ at the top of her lungs (Great song choice btw), then spit her mouthwash on floor. #OnlyonMuni #sf
  • There’s a guy literally spinning yarn from raw wool fiber with a drop spindle on the 1 California right now. #OnlyonMuni
  • The most tattooed individual I have ever seen was a septuagenarian on the 38L #OnlyOnMuni
  • Fact: You can’t ride the 8BX and not see a tall can of Steel Reserve. #onlyonmuni
  • Sitting behind guy on #sfmuni I think he shaved his head this morning and forgot to wipe off excess shaving cream #OnlyonMuni

Those delicious slices of Muni life are brought to you by @ariananicolay, ‏@VerifyInField, ‏@salazar_jillian, @michaelhines_1, and @4fifteen. Drop yours into the pile over at @munidiaries, and don’t forget to include the hashtag #OnlyonMuni!

Vodka and broken glass on the 49-Van Ness

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Photo by lpcmidst0128

Expert Muni rider Beth knows what’s up (spoiler alert, it’s usually not good) when you hear a banging bottle near you on the bus.

My partner and I were riding the 49 north into the Mission recently when a handful of teenagers got on the bus. We were sitting near the very back, and one of the teens went to the window behind me and overhead and began banging on it. At first, I thought he was just trying to get the window open, but when I looked, I realized he was banging the top of a liquor bottle on the window frame. I cringed and ducked, just hoping he wouldn’t shower me with vodka and broken glass. Meanwhile, one of his friends was trying to convince him to stop, while another one was offering pointers, but the kid insisted he knew what he was doing. He must have been right, because eventually I smelled liquor and figured he’d gotten it open. They got off the bus at the next stop, taking their little party with them.

The 49 is full of surprises, be it Muni uberfan John Waters whenever he’s in town, a dispute over air quality (seriously), or literal pillow talk. What has the 49 gift horse sent you lately?

A Quiet Night on the 38-Geary

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Photo by Justin

Appreciative people-watching has always been part of the appeal here at Muni Diaries, and I think the view from Muni rider Stuart’s seat reminds us as much. The vomit shower is pretty gross, though.

A man boards the 38 with his hair in what appeared to be a two-foot tall orange condom. Another man staggers aboard on, asking everyone in earshot where he could get his fix. A woman talks about her divorce on speakerphone. A group of bros holding burritos and PBRs yammer and sway.

Nothing happens.

I sit in a singleton seat, and I look outside, and it is raining. I open the window, relishing the cool scent of wet asphalt, and turn my head toward the rain, smiling as my eyelashes catch the few drops that fall in upon me from outside. It strikes me that sitting there, smiling at nothing, and smelling the rain, I might be the strangest guy on the bus.

One of the bros takes a bite of his burrito, a swig of his PBR, and showers his buddies and their poorly tailored suits in vomit as the 38 swerves to miss a double-parked car.

Everything returns to the status quo, as madness erupts around me.

The 38-Geary is one of our most talked-about lines. Who knows, you may run into The Most Interesting Man in the World (you may even be him, depending on how your day went), or you may find yourself quietly defending your sexuality and Little Mermaid backpack. If you have a story that’s worthy of the #OnlyonMuni hashtag, send it our way and you could win tickets (and saved choice seating) to Muni Diaries Live, set for Nov. 8 at the Elbo Room.