Muni Mind Reader: The Drunkard
Muni Mind Reader is back, y’all! After a one-week hiatus (she refuses to disclose her where- and whatabouts, as any true mental maven would), Tiffany is back, and in high fashion. This week, she takes us down, around, over, and through the sloshy synapses of … the drunkard.
Wahoooooooooooo!!! Nothing like a killer happy hour to get things rocking and rolling. Am I right? You! Yes, you right there. Yes! You have got to be able to see me. Iâ€™m sitting directly across from you. Helloooo!!!. Câ€™mon buddy, Iâ€™m wasted, but Iâ€™m certainly not invisible. WE WONâ€™T BE INVISIBLE!! Oh, wait, thatâ€™s â€œinvincible.â€ WE WONâ€™T BE INVINCIBLE. Gimme five if you like Pat Benatar. Anyone? GIVE THE BOY HIS SCOOTER BACK!
Oh man! What a crazy afternoon. Lay-offs suck, but the parties sure are killer. I thought about driving, but then I realized I left my keys in Jackieâ€™s purse, so thatâ€™s no good. So then it was like TAXI! And then as if Muni were reading my mind, out of thin air appears a 30-Stockton. Suh-weeeeeeeeeeeet! You canâ€™t get much luckier than that. Well, I guess I could get much luckier, but thatâ€™s later tonight, am I right? Heh, geez people, where is your sense of humor?
Man, Muni is kind of awesome. Why donâ€™t I take it every day to work? They TOTALLY take pennies too! NO JOKE! I havenâ€™t taken a bus in a looooooong time, so I had no idea they hiked up the prices. I only had a single, a tenner, and a boatload of change, most of which was pennies. Hell yeah! Now thereâ€™s a use for that stupid coin if I ever heard of one. Iâ€™m gonna start picking up those bad boys when I see them on the sidewalk from here on out.
Sheeeyatt. I canâ€™t believe how many margaritas I just put down. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now, well, itâ€™s hard to stand on a moving vehicle when youâ€™re kind of wasted. Oh wow. Yeah, this is a littleâ€¦erâ€¦ok…excuse me? Can you open that window for me please? Thanks. Oh sweet, empty seat. Let me just take a load off here. Whew. Breathe in, breathe out. Closing eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Nodding off. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzz. WHOA! WHAT! Iâ€™m OK. Iâ€™m OK everyone, just a little disoriented.
Well, hello there beautiful. Tee hee. Donâ€™t you look cute there in your little shoesies. Look at that, your cute little flat is just dangling there off your foot. What would you do if I just leaned over here and GRABBED YOUR SHOE!! Just kidding! You can relax. I would never GRAB YOUR SHOE! Gotcha! Did you just see that? I was going to pretend I was going to grab your shoe, but then at the very end I didnâ€™t. Youâ€™re not talking to me?
Wow, I canâ€™t believe itâ€™s only 6:30 p.m.. I just need to get home, throw on a clean pair of pants, and thenâ€¦wait, where the hell am I? I totally should be in North Beach by now. Letâ€™s seeâ€¦6th Avenueâ€¦8th Avenueâ€¦Driver? Whereâ€™s Columbus? Iâ€™m not on the 30-Stockton am I? TAXI!
Check back next Friday for the next exciting, enlightening, entertaining installment of Muni Mind Reader.
Photo by Flickr user ClockworkGrue