Muni Mind Reader: The Drunkard

Bay to BreakersMuni Mind Reader is back, y’all! After a one-week hiatus (she refuses to disclose her where- and whatabouts, as any true mental maven would), Tiffany is back, and in high fashion. This week, she takes us down, around, over, and through the sloshy synapses of … the drunkard.

Wahoooooooooooo!!! Nothing like a killer happy hour to get things rocking and rolling. Am I right? You! Yes, you right there. Yes! You have got to be able to see me. I’m sitting directly across from you. Helloooo!!!. C’mon buddy, I’m wasted, but I’m certainly not invisible. WE WON’T BE INVISIBLE!! Oh, wait, that’s “invincible.” WE WON’T BE INVINCIBLE. Gimme five if you like Pat Benatar. Anyone? GIVE THE BOY HIS SCOOTER BACK!

Oh man! What a crazy afternoon. Lay-offs suck, but the parties sure are killer. I thought about driving, but then I realized I left my keys in Jackie’s purse, so that’s no good. So then it was like TAXI! And then as if Muni were reading my mind, out of thin air appears a 30-Stockton. Suh-weeeeeeeeeeeet! You can’t get much luckier than that. Well, I guess I could get much luckier, but that’s later tonight, am I right? Heh, geez people, where is your sense of humor?

Man, Muni is kind of awesome. Why don’t I take it every day to work? They TOTALLY take pennies too! NO JOKE! I haven’t taken a bus in a looooooong time, so I had no idea they hiked up the prices. I only had a single, a tenner, and a boatload of change, most of which was pennies. Hell yeah! Now there’s a use for that stupid coin if I ever heard of one. I’m gonna start picking up those bad boys when I see them on the sidewalk from here on out.

Sheeeyatt. I can’t believe how many margaritas I just put down. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now, well, it’s hard to stand on a moving vehicle when you’re kind of wasted. Oh wow. Yeah, this is a little…er…ok…excuse me? Can you open that window for me please? Thanks. Oh sweet, empty seat. Let me just take a load off here. Whew. Breathe in, breathe out. Closing eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Nodding off. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzz. WHOA! WHAT! I’m OK. I’m OK everyone, just a little disoriented.

Well, hello there beautiful. Tee hee. Don’t you look cute there in your little shoesies. Look at that, your cute little flat is just dangling there off your foot. What would you do if I just leaned over here and GRABBED YOUR SHOE!! Just kidding! You can relax. I would never GRAB YOUR SHOE! Gotcha! Did you just see that? I was going to pretend I was going to grab your shoe, but then at the very end I didn’t. You’re not talking to me?

Wow, I can’t believe it’s only 6:30 p.m.. I just need to get home, throw on a clean pair of pants, and then…wait, where the hell am I? I totally should be in North Beach by now. Let’s see…6th Avenue…8th Avenue…Driver? Where’s Columbus? I’m not on the 30-Stockton am I? TAXI!

Check back next Friday for the next exciting, enlightening, entertaining installment of Muni Mind Reader.

Photo by Flickr user ClockworkGrue

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