Introducing Muni Mind Reader
Allow us to introduce Tiffany Maleshefski, the Amazing Muni Mind Reader! This is the first in our new series where Tiffany will channel the thoughts of a Muni rider directly onto our pages. Ever wonder what your fellow passengers are thinking as we stare at one another during yet another bumpy Muni ride? Tiffany’s got you covered. In today’s installment, Tiffany’s onto that guy who takes up two seats on the bus.
What do you want from me? I’m a guy. Yeah, a big honkin’ guy, and that’s why I just gotta sit here next to you with my legs spread wide apart because I have this equally big honkin’ mass between my legs. I can see you’re aggravated that my right thigh is on my seat and yours, but what can I do? Get a smaller package? You’ll have to ask god about that one. Trust me, it bothers me too, but at the end of the day, there’s not much I can do about it.
You on the other hand, well, maybe you could go to the gym a little more, or drink one less latte in the morning. If you toned up, maybe you could only take up 3/4 or even 1/2 your seat, allowing me and my boys some breathing room. It can’t possibly bother you that much can it? Me, sitting here at 8:30 in the morning, my leg touching yours. It’s kind of nice, isn’t it? Neighborly almost. I mean, I already kind of stopped noticing I was taking up two seats in the first place. Surely, you’ve forgotten too.
Oh, wait a minute, what are you doing now? Assertin’ yourself? Did you just reposition yourself ever so slightly in an attempt to shove my little old left leg back on to my side of the seat? Hello, lady, I told you already. I got big, gigantic balls and if my thighs come even within millimeters of these bad boys, it is PAIN CITY! So cut a fella some slack. There’s room for both of us on this seat, and if you don’t like it, stand your fat ass up.
Wait, you leavin’? Oh, it’s your stop. Well, alrighty, you have a nice day. What? No good bye? Oh well. See you tomorrow.
Photo by Flickr user shaderlab