Funny: Muni LOLs – Page 173

Angry Oompa Loompa

June 18, 2009 jeff Leave a comment

oompa1

I don’t have time to keep up with my blog, but I love this one and wanted to share some of my previous stories with you all……….

So far you’ve heard 2 tales from the 38 & the 49 lines. This one comes from the 47 which takes me from my gym in the afternoons to the 38 Geary stop to go home. When I ride I usually put on my “muni face” and act like I’m not paying attention to anyone. However, I’m completely alert to all of the excitement going on around me.

This one particular day I was riding along and we came to the stop at Union St. I heard someone outside yelling “Fuck you!” continuously and looked out to see that he was in line to get on the bus. Oh excellent, a live one! The angry man (we shall call him Oompa) was a tall, slender guy in his mid to late 40s. He didn’t appear to be “dirty fingernail homeless” because he didn’t have that look. His clothes were clean and he had longer sort of Oompa Loompa hair and was clearly an angry drunk. I also noticed that he was wearing a wedding ring (irrelevant). So Oompa followed this younger Irish looking guy onto the bus (we shall call him Ginger). I think Oompa “took a hatin” to Ginger because he got right up in his face and continued to yell “Fuck You!” at him. Poor Ginger was trying to ignore him, but it was obvious that Oompa made him slightly nervous. Then Oompa starts whistling really badly into Ginger’s ear. In the middle of his tune he shouts to the entire bus that he’s “fucking crazy and not to fuck with him” and then goes back to whistling at Ginger. The bus was full but everyone was watching this fascinating Ginger-Oompa Show and secretly hoping that Ginger would pull a tazer out of his pocket or something.

Category: Funny: Muni LOLs

Doth Thy Sonically Offend?

June 17, 2009 eugenia Leave a comment

From the Muni Diaries submission inbox:

Does this look like a guy who’d be blaring his music on the 21-Hayes? If you think no, you’d be right. I was sitting three seats cattycorner to the man, and I didn’t even know he had earplugs on. But the guy across from him (picture not shown) quietly sidled up and asked him to turn down his tunes. Totally astounded, the pseudo non-offender replied “really?” and subsequently dialed down the volume.

One stop later, two very loud gentlemen got on the bus and talked in decibels loud enough to make a deaf man flinch. Did the sound-sensitive guy ask these two to turn down their pitch? Nope.

Which got me wondering: How do we physically perceive the difference between electronic noise and human noise? Both can be offensive and settling in their own ways.

Read more

Category: Funny: Muni LOLs Tags: etiquette

Testicles on the 22-Fillmore

June 17, 2009 eugenia Leave a comment

From the Muni Diaries submission inbox:

New to the city, I knew nothing of how legendarily crazy the 22 was. In my first week here I found out:

One evening coming back from work, I was minding my own business on the 22 when an extremely overweight man, probably in his 50’s, got on board around 16th and Folsom. He was wearing flip flops, extremely tight hot pants and a scarf. That’s it. It was 50 degrees out.

So I’m thinking, ok, sit wherever you want, but just don’t sit in front of me. And so he does just that. And as he sits down, KERPLOP!, go his balls right of the hotpants. Of course, these pants were so undersized that adjusting didn’t even seem like an option under consideration. No, instead he ever so gracefully draped his scarf over his manhood and rode in peace.

Umm… yeah.

After that incident I bought my bike, vowing to avoid Muni like the plague. [Ed. note: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!]

I have subsequently seen this man three times in the past year (though, thankfully, never on Muni). While he wasn’t wearing the hot pants, on each occasion he did have that sort-of, crazy disheveled look to him that has been burned into the recess of my memory.

If you see public genitalia, or anything else you find worthy of a Muni story, send it to us!

Photo by Flickr user grubbybastard

Category: Funny: Muni LOLs Tags: 22-Fillmore

Another Douche on the M-Train

June 15, 2009 eugenia Leave a comment

Muni rider William has some choice words for “another douche on the M-train.” He sent us this story:

So, short and simple: I’m sitting on the M-train minding my own business when all of a sudden I hear a guy shout out at me, “Stare somewhere else, dude.”

At the time I had been looking toward his side of the train but just daydreaming and gazing around. What do you expect people to do when they are on the bus? Sure I could read a paper, but it’s 6:30 a.m. and I get my paper when I get to work. Even if I had headphones like most people do, they are still typically facing upward and looking around. Furthermore, you were just sitting there gazing forward as well–therefore, you were likely inadvertently staring at someone else on the train.

Technically you were staring at me if you even happened to be looking at me supposedly staring at you. Quite frankly you were nothing that would even be worthwhile to look at. If I wanted to be staring at someone I would definitely be staring at more attractive people on the train, and just considering I am a straight male I would have been looking at an attractive female if I was actually gonna stare at someone. Don’t flatter yourself. If you can’t stand people looking around on public transportation I have some advice for you — get off!

Had a strange or funny incident on Muni or BART lately? Tell your story here.

Photo by Flickr user *christopher*

Category: Funny: Muni LOLs Tags: etiquette, M-Ocean View

Philosopher’s conversation

June 11, 2009 eugenia Leave a comment

“You know I am going there because I have to go, not because I want to go. There is a difference between ‘have to’ and ‘want to’.” The woman screamed.
A man approached her and looked like he was kissing her.
Then, he screamed, “There are two type of people in this society; one that has money and one that is drunk. Everyone else is in between. If you are not one of these two, don’t fucking come knock on my door! The light is on, but I won’t answer.”
Approach to the woman again, he makes a Karate-like move. Then, he sits on the chair and screams, “I like Stephen King!”
It is quiet for a moment, then the woman screamed at the man, “At least I know where I am going! But you don’t know where you are going!!”
He screamed back to her, “But I know where I am!”

She repeats, “I know where I am going but you don’t know where you are going!”
He responds, “But I know where I am!” Then they begin to shout back and forth.
”I know where I am going but you don’t know where you are going!”
“But I know where I am!”
“I know where I am going but you don’t know where you are going!”
“But I know where I am!”
The man says, “You know, there are people who have and people who don’t!”
The man continued, “You, you, you what! You want to or you have to what?”
The woman screams back to him, “I tell you here is my answer, ‘I don’t know!’ There are always three answers to everything I want, I have to, and I don’t know!”
She continues, “But I know where I am going and you don’t!”
“But I know where I am!” The man screamed. “Have a seat. There is a seat here” He continued as he pointed to the seat next to him.
But she screams, “No! Someone’s ass was sitting there! I am not going to put my ass on someone’s asshole!
“Bitch! You are a fucking bitch, you know. You know what I call someone like you? A Hooker! You are a hooker!”
She says, “Hey, don’t limit your view. If you named it but you can’t see beyond it!
He yells, “Bitch!”
“Hey, be careful what you call me because you don’t know who is listening to you!”
He repeats, “You are a fucking bitch!”
She now screams, “You are an asshole!”
“How did you know my nick name?” He is suddenly calm.

Category: Funny: Muni LOLs Tags: N-Judah

Just Hangin’ at WP Station

June 10, 2009 eugenia Leave a comment

Picture 250.jpg

This just in from Muni rider Skajam:

I love that this guy is staring right at me. I am however fairly certain that he did not know he was being photographed. He was just sitting like this for about 10 minutes waiting for his train. I don’t know where ‘see no evil’ and ‘speak no evil’ were. Maybe he was going to meet them.

If you encounter strange flora and/or fauna in and around Muni, send it our way, please.

Category: diaries, Funny: Muni LOLs Tags: West Portal Station

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