Category: Funny: Muni LOLs

Not the good kind of nudity

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Photo submitted by author

In high school, we were broke. So we had to find cheap ways to entertain ourselves, and one of those ways was to take the 38 in from the Richmond and take the now-defunct 42 Downtown Loop to the old Tower Records and the Wharf.

One fateful day, my friend Bob and I were on the 42, sitting in the second-to-back row on the driver’s side. It was fairly crowded, but not uncomfortably so. We were minding our own business, talking about Man of La Mancha or whatever the hell it is we talked about in high school.

Eventually, we noticed some kind of commotion near the front of the bus, and a handful of people getting off. We tried to see what was going on, but there were too many people. Eventually, more people got off and we saw a totally naked middle-aged woman ambling around the front of the bus.

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Revenge of the Nerds

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Nerd
Photo by Flickr user bayat

I braved the crowds of tourists and shoppers in Union Square to take advantage of the July 4th holiday sales and scored a terrific deal on a new comforter. I live fairly close to downtown SF and try to walk everywhere I can within reason but catching the 45 Union back home seemed reasonable now that I was lugging this large, unwieldy bag around with me. I walked a few blocks to 3rd and Market to catch the bus, ensuring that I’d get on before the crowds destined for Chinatown boarded. I snagged the perfect seat in the last row of double seats before the final row along the back, with plenty of legroom for me to balance my bedding-bag on my feet in front of me.

Sure enough, the bus started to fill up at the very next stop. One of the passengers towered above the usual contingent of Asian women with produce bags, a tall white guy who lumbered towards the back, glassy-eyed, open-mouthed, his significant gut leading the way. My Muni-attuned spidey senses were tingling—something about this guy was a bit off. He carried himself with the awkward air of those who don’t have a good grasp on the rules of social interaction. (His sci-fi convention-style t-shirt blaring “NEXT STOP: MARS!” helped complete the impression.) As he surveyed the open seats I silently projected my intentions. Don’t you f*ing sit here, dude. Don’t even think about it. Swayed by my venomous mental force-field (or more likely by the expanse of open seats along the back row), he plunked himself down behind me. He immediately started questioning one of the people seated by the windows about an item he carried, further confirming my snap assessment that this guy did not observe the Rule of the Bus.

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Muni Mind Reader: The Tourist

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Tourists to the WharfWe know them, we loathe them, but really, where would we be without their daily, monthly, yearly fiscal contributions to the livelihood of our little burg? Let’s face it — San Francisco is a tourism magnet, so best to suck it up next time you get annoyed during your probably-already-annoying Muni ride. Here’s the oh-so-insightful Muni Mind Reader‘s travel log from her journey far into the inner neurological reaches of the Tourist.

Excuse me, driver? This is the 43-Masonic yes? The 43? That’s what it says on the front of the bus.

DRIVER: Yes. 43.

Driver? This is the 43-M-A-S-O-N…I-C.

DRIVER: Yes.

And this goes to the Inner Richmond? We need to get over to 16th and Balboa. Will this take us to 16th and Balboa?

DRIVER. Yes. Just get on the bus ma’am, we need to go.

Okay! Come on everyone, this is the bus!! How much is it? How much do we need to pay to get on the bus? Oh honey, it says right here we need $2. Do you have $2? We’ll need $8 total. Driver, can I get change for a $20?

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Category: Funny: Muni LOLs

Muni trip turned Muni strip

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Muni rider, not pole dancer
Photo by Flickr user lexflex

The following account by Sonia involves real people doing real things. Really.

My mighty, mighty good man David and I were heading to an A’s game and decided to take the T-train from our apartment in Dogpatch to Embarcadero, where we could catch BART to the Oakland Coliseum or whatever it is called now. (For the record, I am a Giants fan, but David likes the A’s. Since both of us are good sports, we go to both teams’ games. Apparently, this is a no-no in the Bay Area. Too bad!)

So anyway, apparently, we picked the wrong weekend to use public transportation. Not only was it Gay Pride Weekend, but the Vans Warped Tour was also going on. The T was positively packed with drunk, sunburned people.

Even though the train was crowded, a woman in her tiny shorts, halter top and stripper heels decided to treat the handrail like a stripper pole. She lifted herself up and swung her leg over the railing, hanging upside down.

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A short, angry discussion of taxes on the 30-Stockton

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Photo by Flickr user happy bachelor

This delightful tale came to our inbox from Muni rider Andrew …

It wasn’t so fun at the time, now that I think of it, but it’s funny in retrospect.

My girlfriend and I are regular 30-Stockton riders, from North Point & Hyde to Sutter & Stockton. As you may know, the 30-Stockton is a risk-life-and-limb kind of line (especially around 8:30am) but we were lucky enough after work last week to find ourselves on a relatively empty outbound 30 where we could safely sit in the far-back facing-inward seats without worrying about cans shuffling or random bowel movements.

Boarding with us were two young gentlemen, one of fifteen years (or so he later said) and one in his mid-twenties. The younger sat in the set of facing-inward seats across the aisle, while the other sat close to the back door.  And no sooner had we cleared the tunnel when the fifteen-year-old pulls a quarter out of his pocket and begins scrawling Heaven-knows-what into his plastic seat back.

My girlfriend, not one to take vandalism figuratively sitting down, shouts, “Hey, kid, cut that out!”

No response.

“Hey! STOP.”

Now he looks up. “Hey, I can do what I want.” (yes, this is the most stereotypical teenager phrase ever. I wanted to say, “really? So I can rip your ass a second hole because I WANT to?” But he was a minor, and should a police report get filed, I wanted to keep my mentions of his ass to a minimum.)

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