My Muni Sanctuary

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Thrive
Photo by chainsmokingbluemonkey

Sean at Noisebeard is newish to San Francisco and not at all fazed by the schizophrenic relationship we riders have with the beast we call Muni. Instead, Sean has chosen to embrace the crazy.

Most people I know who also have to ride the bus around often complain about it. It’s crowded, slow, and pretty unreliable sometimes, especially on weekends. I don’t need to defend any of those claims because they’re 100% true. But I think what people overlook is the social complexity that Muni offers.

People of all sorts ride the bus for whatever reason. At any time of the day, the buses are pretty crowded. Living in a city with around 900,000 people in the “proper” area, there’s never a dull moment.

I love riding the bus. I like the weird people that join me in the ride. I see something new every day. I see the same drivers on my routes looking totally complacent and care-free. I see the old Asian men and women carting home their bundles of Chinatown goodies. I see the mid 20s hipster chicks with their denim-painted tights and iPod/iPhone headphones dangling around their scarf. I see the Tenderloin crack heads holding onto mortality and falling at every lurch in the bus’s path. I see it all. Every social paradigm someone could conjure up ends up on Muni eventually. It’s the ultimate people watching venue.

Continue reading Sean’s post at Noisebeard to find out how this newcomer avoids Muni frustration.

Category: diaries, reflection

Muni Rider Roasting on the 24

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Photo by Rick Audet

As I was riding the 24 home from work last week, two young men boarded the bus and immediately started sizing up the other riders in the back of the bus for potential roastability. Not finding enough meat for their roast they declared the bus “dry” as opposed to this morning’s selection which had been “wet.” This was a fairly incredible assessment, seeing as how the 24 is (always) stuffed to the gills with riders.

The roasters, doing their best with the available material, declared that “that dude there has a potato-head” (he didn’t). They then moved on to a young man who was listening to his ipod and had the luxury of pretending not to hear “look at this dude, he look like something out of mario brothers” (he didn’t). They then went on to mock his plain white t-shirt, cap and less than manicured fingers.

Meanwhile I’m feeling less and less comfortable, for the obvious reason that if unkempt nails were grounds for harassment, I could well be next. But mostly because I felt this was completely inappropriate. I mean, who does that? And why?

My stop was still three blocks away when I felt I could not handle it anymore. They had moved on to fresh meat, an older gentleman whose ear hair was somehow offending them (it wasn’t), when I vacated my seat. Clumsily and apologetically, I made my way to the front of the bus through the sea of fellow-riders. When I reached the front I reported to the driver that there were two young men harassing people in the back of the bus. The driver stood up and called to the back of the bus that they needed to “show some respect.” Feeling useless and edgy I then exited the 24, two stops early.

On my long walk home I thought of all the other ways the situation could have been handled. I had fantasies of rallying the other riders and declaring that we’re not going to take it! We’re all on the same bus here! We all have the right to a peaceful ride! Some of my less mature fantasies included roasting the aggressors: “your hair looks like bubble wrap!” and “if you’re lucky you might grow into those pants someday, son!” I digress.

Has anyone else witnessed a rider roasting? There must be a more effective way to handle it than to hassle the bus driver who is 20 ft and 30 people away….

Category: diaries, Funny: Muni LOLs Tags: ,

Sausage, anyone?

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Sign.
Photo by checkerboard_secrets

A couple of Saturdays ago, I happily boarded BART at 24th and Mission to head downtown for some serious shopping. I was flying solo, the sun was shining, Anthropologie was calling my name…I was happy.

I stepped onto BART, surveyed the seat situation, and chose a row right in front of the door between the cars. I moved to the inside seat, trying to be a considerate BART rider.

At 16th and Mission a shabbily dressed man boarded the car and plopped down right next to me with force, taking up more than his allotted seat. I edged closer to the wall. He rummaged through his bevy of plastic bags until he found what he was searching for: an ancient-looking, jumbo-size can of Vienna Sausages. With a pop that lid was off, and sausage juice began to fly–some towards me even! I moved as far away as I could from this man as he went to town on his snack. He methodically whipped out each sausage, one-by-one, shaking the excess juice around the car and licking his fingers.

I really didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’ve smelled worse and seen worse…but this was the first (and hopefully only) time that cold Vienna Sausage juice had been flung in my direction.

This dude was almost done with his snack when we pulled into Powell and I politely said “Excuse me” so I could get past him. He was visibly irritated to have his dinner interrupted in such a way. I was visibly irritated to have been showered with drops of processed meat juice.

Back out in the sunshine, I shook it off (no pun intended) and proceeded to enjoy my shopping trip. No point in crying over spilled sausage juice, right?

Category: BART Tags: ,

What to do when someone asks you to sign a petition

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No Soliciting
Photo by Thomas Hawk

Rider Jared bought some headphones to enjoy his music on Muni. Little did he know that right after his purchase, he would overhear one of the most excellent exchanges between one very cranky rider and someone who was trying to get him to sign a petition. I’m tempted to copy this technique the next time someone asks me to sign my name on yet another clipboard. Read on. – Eugenia

As someone who spends a good chunk of his day on Muni and Caltrain, I listen to a lot of music. As my iPod earphones have been slowly making their way to white headphone heaven, I decided to take the plunge and buy some quality buds. After much deliberation between sound-cancelling and the regular version, I bought Bose’s around-the-ear model on Monday evening at their store in the downtown Westfield. I decided against sound-cancelling because I’m afraid to be struck by a bus and die. But if “Lost” has taught me anything, it’s that I’ll see you all in another life, brotha. Anyway.

Just like a little kid at Hanukkah, I asked the store owner, “Do you mind if I open it now so I can listen to them on my ride home?” After a few cuts and snips, I was on my way downstairs to the Powell Station sporting my new headphones.

For some reason Predictably, I had to wait a while until a lettered car appeared to take me to the Castro station (I was jonseing for some boba). Once it arrived (after I was told it wasn’t coming for another seven minutes), I hopped on and stood against the doors on the opposite side so I’d be closest to my exit.

One stop in, I see a guy in his 30s or 40s walking through the car and talking to people. Huh, that’s weird, I thought.

As he makes his way over to our side of the car I notice he’s holding a paper. I’m thinking, oh, he’s one of THOSE a-holes.

I love people who try to help a good cause, but I hate solicitors as much as the MILF from “The 40-Year Old Virgin.” As he approached me, I politely said no thanks (a few times… he was persistent) and he moved on down the train.

Here’s where it gets fun. As he was moving down the bus, he kept asking folks and they kept saying “no thanks.” Until he reached this one dude sitting down reading a book. Let’s recount the situation:

Solicitor: Do you mind signing my petition to…
Muni Rider (screaming at the top of his lungs): NO. YOU CAN’T PETITION. NO PETITIONING. YOU CAN’T DO THAT. THAT’S NOT ALLOWED. STOP IT. YOU’RE A BAD PERSON. STOP DOING THIS. YOU CAN’T PETITION ON HERE. STOP IT. STOP. DON’T BOTHER ME. STOP IT!!!!!!!!
The Rest of the Bus: (Silence)

He finally quit right before we hit the Church station. As the solicitor passed him again on his way to the front of the bus, I was afraid the psycho was going to shank him. But luckily he kept his cool this time around.

And do you know what pisses me off most about all of this? That I didn’t buy the noise-cancelling headphones.

Category: diaries, Funny: Muni LOLs Tags:
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