Usually, It’s a Man Pleasing Himself in Public…

Lately Muni Diaries has been an unexpected place to learn about various fetishes. By now you’ve probably read or heard about the Muni Humper, who is technically a “frotter” – someone who gets pleasure from brushing against people. We’ve got the occasional exhibitionist (remember the ever-popular “public penis” guy?). And we just received this diary submission from Muni rider Nina Peters:

I was waiting for the J Church in front of Safeway (Church and Duboce) when I heard the faint ramblings of a crack whore in the distance. I was not concerned. I mean, the area is prone to these folks. But, I did notice that while walking down Church towards Market, she rubbed her hand on every car. It looked like she was just being the normal weirdo that I’ve come to love while living in SF- but there was definitely something strange in the air.

I continued to watch from the train stop island, and it paid off. When she finally reached a car to her liking, a light silvery-blue BMW, she jumped on the hood and began to masturbate on the hood. I was shocked. I’ve seen plenty of men in corners whacking away at the goods, but I’ve NEVER seen a woman in broad daylight go to town on the hood of a car in public. My train came and as it turned down the tunnel I craned my neck to be witness to the grand finale. But, as quickly as she had cum, she was gone.

Hmm. Expensive-Import-Car-Philia?

We’re always looking for educational Muni tales! Come on, don’t be shy.

 

Brownie-town on the 49

brownie

I ride the 49 every day to get home, and so do a lot of terrible teenagers (redundant?) who attend Balboa Galileo High School on Van Ness and Bay. At best, they’re usually just screaming about this, that and the other, possibly hoping their volume will increase their level of importance on the bus. There’s often a non-teenage screamer on the bus and a vivid assortment of rude, pleasant, happy, friendly and too-friendly people also, just to add some color to my little cross-town line.

Because the 49 does cross town, I try to understand when it’s mildly gross. A bag of smashed chips at your feet here, a little pile of sunflower seeds there. But I draw the line at what looks like real effort to get moist foodstuffs caked on the bus. For example, someone had to TRY to get this brownie on the window. Someone had to take it out of their bag, out of its wrapper, then purposefully smear it on the window in such a way that it sticks.

I take it personally also because this happened to be next to my favorite seat on the bus (along that single-seat row, on the left, in the back). Maybe tomorrow I’ll find a plate of eggs or something.

Sure that’s a brownie? Send us your tales of suspicious items found on the bus, or any other worthy tales.

Photo by Flickr user Mitsooko

The photo above was taken by the author and pertains to the incident mentioned in this post. It arrived at MDHQ a tad late. Apologies.

How to Catch a Muni Bus

The wires came off

From Muni rider Axel Feldheim:

I reported this incident my own blog on Monday, April 20, 2009:

I was riding the 22 Fillmore this afternoon, & at 16th & Bryant the driver shut the door on a woman running for the bus. She yelled & pounded on the bus to no avail. Then while the bus was waiting at the stop light, she pulled it off of its wire. I’ve never seen someone do this before. She caught the bus.

Share your Muni riding tips (practice at your own risk, though) and your Muni tales with us.

Photo by Flickr user Juicyrai

Busdriver talks on nutty passenger’s cellphone

I was on an outbound 24 Bus this afternoon. Fairly empty. As we zig-zagged from 30th to Mission to Cortland, there seemed to be an agitated passenger bugging the driver. Well, that’s how it looked from the back of the bus where I couldn’t exactly hear the words the guy was saying.

He was yelling, “Hurry up!” presumably at the traffic in front of us, then he leaned across the driver and HONKED THE HORN. I thought (in a selfish muni-riding way) “Oh crap, now we’ll be delayed while the driver deals with this nut.”

Alas, I misread the situation. The nutty guy turned out to be a friend of the busdriver and he was just goofing around. OK! Friends of the driver can honk the horn, check. Also, he dialed a phone and handed it to the driver to talk on.

Here’s the driver on the phone:

on the 24

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Most epic 9X commute EVER

Share photos on twitter with TwitpicThis happened to me about a week ago. I was running late for work so I hopped on to the last 9X running before it switched to a BX/AX. We were doing fine until the bus started to stall on the 101 going north, then it stopped! From there on we went coasting down the exit with our engine off.

We finally got to the stop after the 101 when the bus driver decided to try to turn the bus on. It worked for a few seconds, then it died on us. So everyone had to get out and wait for the next bus, mind you I was running very late so this was not good to me, But luckily, another 9X arrived a few minutes later, so everyone hopped on this bus and I proceeded to go to the back. I found a seat in the rear of the bus, so I sat down only to find out that the girl in front of me was throwing up. Somehow she got her boyfriend to open the emergency window so she could puke out the window as the bus was going. I’m afraid to say she didn’t always make it outside the window. After moving a few seats away from them, I noticed that the floor had a liquid that was coming from the girl’s direction, Not knowing what it was I just kept my feet up. Eventually they got off and everyone avoided the area. I’m not sure what the Muni driver did about clean up, but every time I hop on the rear of a Muni bus, I look out to see if that seat is the one she threw up on.

More photos after the jump:

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PeeWee

little boy pee 2This story is by Janell

So I’m riding Bart from the Powell St. station down to Millbrae. As you could imagine it was pretty packed and standing room only. Out of the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of quite possibly the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen anywhere.

A woman had pulled her 3- or 4-year-old son’s pants down, pulled his little wee out, unscrewed the top of a soda bottle, stuck the little boys wee inside and then told him to pee.

The little boy stood there peeing inside of this soda bottle on a FULL train.

When the boy was done the woman put the cap back on the bottle, set it on the floor of the train, and then got off the train at the next stop.

Yes, she left the pee-filled bottle sitting on the floor.

If you’ve got a BART or Muni story you want to share, no matter what it’s about, send it us.

Photo by Flickr user Lady Ema

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