UPDATE: SFPD Nabs Alleged Muni Humper

Close up of the handcuffs
Photo by Flickr user sirchuckles

Update: Detective Jim Serna of the SFPD is asking more victims and witnesses to speak with the police, in the hopes of building a stronger case against the suspect. Serna asks that you call the SFPD Sex Offender Unit at 415.553.9203 if you’ve been a victim or witness of the Muni Humper.

Original post: You remember him. You first told us about him in a colorful diary. He tormented your dreams and bus rides. He made the evening news. He even made it onto the stage in the form of a haiku “tribute” at Riders With Drinks.

Well, earlier this afternoon, we received word from Plug1 that the San Francisco Police Department has arrested a man who they believe to be the Muni Humper. He is being processed down at the Hall of Justice. Here are the details Plug1 told us:

back in June, i was mentioning the Muni Diaries coverage of the “Muni Humper” to a friend one day; who in return mentioned that she had not only seen this guy all the time on the N, but had been victim herself. her story was the same: the Muni Humper boards a middle/back door on a crowded N during rush hour, proceeds to hover over an unsuspecting female victim, and grinds/rubs himself on her shoulder — and when discovered, gets off at the next stop.

she saw him most recently in early July, which is when i reached out to Muni Diaries in hopes of a contact at the SFMTA or SFPD. My friend, who was noticeably weirded out by the whole situation, agreed to speak with Tim Gibson of the Muni Investigations Unit. Officer Gibson filed her original report and then referred her to Detective Jim Serna (sp?) of the SFPD. Detective Serna met personally with my friend that same day and showed her a multi-faced lineup of potential suspects. my friend was easily able to identify the suspect from the pool of photos, and agreed to file a detailed report with the SFPD. she was also able to use her Twitter feed to give exact dates and times she encountered him over the past 2 months to help police identify the suspect via the onboard surveillence on the N.

today she got a call from Detective Serna: they had caught the suspect and were processing him at 850 Bryant for sexual battery. he mentioned that the suspect was under the age of 18, and that he couldn’t comment much beyond that. i later called Officer Gibson of the SFMTA, but he was unavailable to comment on the matter.

Tip of the hat to all the victims and witnesses who helped SFPD get this sorry excuse for a transit-lover off our buses and trains.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program …

Usually, It’s a Man Pleasing Himself in Public…

Lately Muni Diaries has been an unexpected place to learn about various fetishes. By now you’ve probably read or heard about the Muni Humper, who is technically a “frotter” – someone who gets pleasure from brushing against people. We’ve got the occasional exhibitionist (remember the ever-popular “public penis” guy?). And we just received this diary submission from Muni rider Nina Peters:

I was waiting for the J Church in front of Safeway (Church and Duboce) when I heard the faint ramblings of a crack whore in the distance. I was not concerned. I mean, the area is prone to these folks. But, I did notice that while walking down Church towards Market, she rubbed her hand on every car. It looked like she was just being the normal weirdo that I’ve come to love while living in SF- but there was definitely something strange in the air.

I continued to watch from the train stop island, and it paid off. When she finally reached a car to her liking, a light silvery-blue BMW, she jumped on the hood and began to masturbate on the hood. I was shocked. I’ve seen plenty of men in corners whacking away at the goods, but I’ve NEVER seen a woman in broad daylight go to town on the hood of a car in public. My train came and as it turned down the tunnel I craned my neck to be witness to the grand finale. But, as quickly as she had cum, she was gone.

Hmm. Expensive-Import-Car-Philia?

We’re always looking for educational Muni tales! Come on, don’t be shy.


Good morning, here’s my crotch


As Muni Diaries has documented before, sometimes people pull out their penises and stick them in your face on the bus. OK, that just happened once (as far as we know), in one of our most popular penis-in-public posts yet.

Perhaps more often, there are more tame crotchal offenses, including crotch-on-the-shoulder guy.

As the Muni Ladies have noted before, you (well, all of us, really) must use proper crotch etiquette when you’re standing on the bus. So I don’t know who told this guy he could do the  “Sugalumps” song from Flight of the Conchords during my morning commute, but it’s just across-the-board unacceptable.

It’s pretty self-explanatory. I was sitting on an aisle seat for about 40 minutes, and was occasionally treated to a shoulder bump with this guy’s crotch. It just happened a few times, and ultimately wasn’t a huge deal, but it’s a pretty huge offense of the aforementioned etiquette rule. I don’t care how tired you are (which he demonstrated by leaning both elbows and head on the top horizontal rail, letting the rest of his body flap around like a marionette); keep track of your body or you might get woken up very, very quickly with my elbow next time.

Photo by WHAT I’M SEEING from the Muni Photos Flickr pool

Coming 2.18.09: The First-Ever Muni Diaries Pub Crawl!


You’ve heard the rumors. You’ve felt the chatter. You’ve smelled the … oh, never mind.

We’re pleased to announce the first Muni Diaries Pub Crawl, set to take place Wednesday, February 18. Whether you’ve been following this blog, our Twitter feed, or best of all, submitting stories, come join us for some beer and cocktails and meet fellow reader-riders!

We’ve carefully crafted a public-transportation-friendly route: We’ll start things off at our official supporter, Lucky 13 (Market and 15th Street), then head over to Dalva on 16th Street near Guerrero. From there, we’ll close the night out at Doc’s Clock on Mission (near 22nd Street). Getting home, well, that’s your problem. And Muni’s.

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