Category: WTF: Weirdness on Muni

I’ve noticed a lot more substance abuse on Muni lately. I’m not talking about the teenagers smoking pot or even drunk USF frat boys on a Friday night. I’m talking about morning and evening rush hour, regular-looking adults boozing it up on the bus. It started a few weeks ago on my evening commute home on the 5. This late-twenties-looking redheaded guy in hipster work attire busted out a flask. Now, since a flask is classier than a brown bag and it was the evening I guess he can be excused. I know I enjoy a glass of red wine with dinner. Maybe he was just getting a head start.

Then last week the morning substance abuse started to appear. I was on the 30 heading down to SoMa. Sitting across from me was a perfectly upstanding-looking, 50-something man who appeared to be on his way to work. Then what did he pull from his messenger bag, not an iPhone or a muffin, but a wine cooler. A fuzzy navel, bright orange, enjoyed by 18-year-old girls, wine cooler. At first I was unsure what it was, since I don’t think I’ve seen a wine cooler in 6 years, but it was Bartels and James in its full glory. He meticulously wrapped a paper towel around it and began sipping away. When I relayed the story to a co-worker, she responded quickly, “It’s the economy, he probably doesn’t have a job.” I can’t say I agreed at the time, if I didn’t have a job and I had a drinking problem I would be in bed on Tuesday morning at 9 a.m., but I’ve never been a morning person.

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This guy has figured out how to get anywhere Muni goes while avoiding the fare. He just needs to hang on tight.

This is a story about a scary altercation between two huge strong men on the F train — yes that scenic line, ideal for tourists, lovers and leisure seekers.

Dave and I hopped on the F train on Market and 5th at about 4 pm this last Saturday and were immediately enveloped by the smell of urine. Seat checks seemed to indicate everything was dry and we counted ourselves lucky assuming that was the worst of it. Then this very tall, angry and crazy homeless man walked up from the back of the bus straight to this small young woman sitting on one of the single seats and grunted for her to move. She did so immediately, going straight to the seat facing the driver. She was probably about 4 feet tall, Asian-American, 15 years old or so, listening to her iPod quietly, nice as can be. But then Crazy man proceeded to stare at her and yell out that she should move to the back of the bus, among other crazy and angry remarks, leading up to just calling her b***** several times, in a loud and angry manner. No one did a thing. The middle-aged tourist couple sitting in front of us continued to consult their maps. And so the girl did all she could do, and rang the bell, and got off at the next stop. How the bus driver didn’t seem to notice was dumbfounding.

But that’s when things got really ugly. Crazy man must have been looking around for other people to pick on, when I heard the big guy behind me say, “What are you looking at, ugly?” This started a booming shouting match, which could have been amusing if we were not sitting next to the center of the hullabaloo. But it went something like this:

“You call me ugly?”
“Yes you dumb dumb stop looking at me.”
“Maddafakka!” (note Crazy man had a very thick Caribbean accent.)
“Stop looking at me or I’ll straighten you out you scum bag.”
“Why you call me Maddafakka?” (Demented point #1)
“Turn around you nasty. Mind your own business.”
“Why are you picking on me.” (Demented point #2)
“You turn around and stop causing trouble.”

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